“And so I said ‘Your Honor! I only stole the Toshiba Thrive 10.1” 32GB Android Tablet on my doctor’s advice… and he said to take TWO tablets! Thank you! Thank you all!”

Knock Knock

“Yes? Come in, I’m decent. For now! Ha!”

Henman Youngy? That you?

“That’s what it says on my monogrammed towels! Ba-boom! Hey, you ain’t laughin’, you must’a been in that crowd.”

Mr. Youngy, you’re under arrest. Will you face the wall please, sir?

“What? Arrest? I knew I was killin’ tonight, but this is ridiculous! Ba-boom! Hey, but seriously, What did I do?”

I’m Sergeant Hugh Moreless, and I was in the crowd tonight. Heard you confess to the theft of a Toshiba Thrive 10.1” 32GB Android Tablet with Wi-Fi. Crime doesn’t pay, sir. Arms up, please.

“Wait, wait! Like I said to my ex-wife when she caught me in bed with her niece: this isn’t what you think, honey!”

My name’s not Honey, sir. It’s Hugh. Left hand now, sir.

“Sergeant, you don’t understand! It was a joke! I’m a comedian! I’d never steal a classy piece of tech like a Toshiba Thrive 10.1” 32GB Android Tablet with Wi-Fi.”

Sure you wouldn’t, sir. C’mon, move the leg. I gotta cuff your ankles.

“What? I mean, the Toshiba Thrive 10.1” 32GB Android Tablet with Wi-Fi is great, sure, what with the 802.11n and the Bluetooth and the Android 3.1 operating system and the full-size SDXC, HDMI and USB ports, but-”

But nothing, sir. I’m tired of criminals like you bragging about your crimes up on stage. Why, just last week I was at some hip hop show with my daughter-

“You mean like Jay-Z?”

No, like bunny rabbits. They’d hip and hop and it was all pretty adorable. And I promised myself that was the kind of world I wanted to live in. The kind where men like you are in jail.

“Jail? Sergeant Moreless, you’ve gotta believe me, I never stole a Toshiba Thrive 10.1” 32GB Android Tablet with Wi-Fi, I never stole anything! Honest!”

Never stole anything?

“I swear on my mother’s grave!”

Uh huh. Then why am I reading all that in Mel Brooks’ voice?

“Because… you’re having a stroke?”

Let’s go, Henman. We got a cell right by Carlos Mencia with your name on it.

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