I let my email sig do the talking.

To: rick.johnson@mymail.com
Subject: Re: Party This Friday

Hey Rick,

Thanks for the invite, but unfortunately, I can’t make it this Friday. Maybe grab lunch next week some time?

-Paul

Sent from my HP Envy Dual-Core i5 Notebook with 160GB SSD, WiDi & 14.5” HP BrightView Infinity LED Display.

Possibly composed while watching a movie on the stunning, crystal clear display or while enjoying a studio-quality listening experience thanks to Beats audio. Any and all typos should be attributed to either of these distractions.

Computer very well might be attached to an HDTV via HDMI output. This means all subsequent replies might also be displayed on HDTV and thus should be written in the voice of a hot shot TV producer for believability.

Touch typed on backlit island-style keyboard which allows for easy typing even in dim light, although, honestly, the light probably wasn’t dim at all during composition, because unlike some people, I care about my eyes. (See attached image taken on HP TrueVision HD webcam showing me composing email in well-lit, tastefully decorated room).

Attached image may not have been taken while writing this exact email. It is meant only to give you an idea of the room in which I generally compose emails. Thus, any discrepancies in my personal appearance should be disregarded. For example, if I was clean shaven when you saw me yesterday or the day before but appear fully-bearded in the photograph, this should be of no concern for you.

Sent from my apartment, which has been established, as of 3:48pm today, to be a snake-free environment. I would prefer confirmation of the same on recipient’s end within 45 minutes or I will have no choice but to call 911.

Please note: If you receive any emails from me between the hours of 1am and 4am that are barely comprehensible but seem to indicate that I’m stuck outside while it's “raining bricks,” it means I’m sleep-emailing again. Please reply asking me to wake up and assuring me that it was all a bad dream. Maybe send a GIF of an explosion or an MP3 of a balloon popping or something.

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