It’s two thousand aught six, but among our fellow Americans there are still holdouts who mash potatoes by hand, wasting our nation’s precious reserves of elbow grease, and sweatin’ in the spuds! Why, the nerve of these common mashers!

Have they not heard of this multifunctional Westinghouse Steam N Mash mashed potato maker? The cook’s comrade? The chef’s chargé d’affaires? The homemaker’s little helper? It crushes taters, turnips, and other tasty tubers into a palatable paste. Surely “Mashed Potato Time,” first predicted by Dee Dee Sharp in 1962, is finally upon us.

The potato, sometimes known as “nature’s novelty clock battery,” is also a rich source of vitamin C, niacin, B6, iodine, thiamin and potassium. The Westinghouse Steam N Mash mashed potato maker is just the thing to help you reduce this cholesterol-free, nutrient-dense lump to a delicious mush. Toss out the Fixodent, friend! Henceforth, we chew no more!

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