Hey there, Danny! It is “Danny,” right? Come on in! Stacy’s upstairs getting ready for your big date, but you can sit with me while you wait.

Just have a seat right here across from my sharpening stool, my friend. You’ll be happy to know Stacy’s pretty excited about tonight. She’s talked quite a lot about you since the two of you got together. Says you’re quite the basketball player! Hoping to get a scholarship because your grades are poor, are you? I see. You’re a 4.0 student. So you’re only on the team because you don’t want your old man to think you’re a wuss, is that it?

You know what, Danny? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you make Stacy happy. Of course, a ball player like yourself probably has a lot of anger issues, I imagine. They certainly do seem popular among the professionals these days. Are you an angry kid, Danny? Now don’t be embarrassed to say yes. I used to have a lot of anger issues, too, before the war and, well, I guess I came back with plenty more after I returned! To tell you the truth, sometimes it’s quite a chore to keep the voices in my head down to a low roar. Ever been to war, Danny? What are you, a coward or something? Oh, you’re too young. Well, everyone has an excuse, I suppose.

So you know, most days I just sit here on my sharpening stool with this Snap-On Knife & Sharpener Combo Pack I keep on me at all times. You know anything about knives, Danny? Just take a look at this one. Heh, caught you flinching there, buddy! I guess you were caught by surprise with how easily I can open the 2.25” blade with one hand! Yep, this is probably some of the sharpest 440 stainless steel you’ve ever seen in your life right here. I tell you, I spend hours sharpening this thing against the tungsten carbide blade sharpener with Kraton slip-resistant grip, trying to find an inner peace that always seems just out of reach. It’s just so hard to come to terms with all the evil in the world, you know, Danny? After all, I’ve got a daughter to protect. Just the thought of some young hot-headed, smarty-pants, ball-playin’ punk too lazy to lie about his age so he can serve his country makes me SO MAD AND…

Oops. Looks like I’ve gone and stabbed myself in the thigh again. You mind reaching under the couch there and handing me my blood-soakin’ rag? You’ll know it when you feel it. It’s probably still sticky from the last time.

Hey! Where are you going? Aw, heck. STACY! Looks like your boyfriend’s cancelling your date, honey! How about you fetch Daddy a bandage and we’ll call out for pizza?

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