I swear, if I have to tell one more pesky reporter or spandex-clad hero I’m going to “seal their fate”, I’m going to scream.

I know, I know. I shouldn’t complain. There are probably tons of people creating mutant abominations or robotic horrors in their spare time that would love to get paid for it. It’s just… I thought it would be different, you know? I mean, I loved messing around with weather machines and slime creatures when I was younger. And people, mostly paid henchmen, seemed to think I was pretty darn good at it, too. And the joy I got out of causing my peers to cower in silent fear, worried about what horrible plans I was making? That was the best, literally, the best. Making it a career just seemed like the next step.

But I’ll be honest: This “Junior Shrink Ray Operator” stuff is the bottomless pits.

Oh, at first, it was great. Every day, I’d get two or three items to shrink down in different creative ways, then I’d seal them up with a Rival Vacuum Sealer to keep them fresh for transport. But now it’s just become tedious. Sometimes, I’m shrinking down the same item I shrank just a couple weeks ago! And for the seventh or eighth time! Even with the Rival Vacuum Sealer’s easy Press/Hold & Release System, handy vacuum trough, and sealing strip that provides a strong seal every time, it’s just hard to get inspired about shrinking anymore.

It’s worse at home. I used to have all these dastardly projects and plans I couldn’t wait to unleash on an unsuspecting public. When I get home after a hard day of shrinking things, though, the LAST thing I want to do is more science. I mean, I know I’ve got some half-made clones that would be wicked evil if I could just finish them, but I just can’t work up the energy to do so.

But you’re right, Reggie. I should consider myself lucky, especially in this economy. I just can’t help but wonder if I’d have been better of working for one of those large evil department stores or corporate coffee shops and doing mad science on the side.

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