As a blower, great! As a weapon against an alien invasion, maybe not.

I gotta tell ya, Bobby. I’m loving the script so far. Explosions, devastation, aliens. What more could you ask for? I almost wanna green-light this thing right now… but first, I just gotta know: how does it end?

“Okay, well I’m still working the kinks out. But here’s what I’m thinking: so it looks like all hope is lost, right? Like humankind is going to be enslaved by the spider-like creatures, right?”

Yeah?

“But then, little Tommy – you know, the farm boy spelling bee champion who dreams of being an astronaut – he gets attacked by one of these things in his dad’s tool shed.”

Wait, hold on! Does the kid die? You get a lotta heat if you kill a good kid on screen, Bobby!

“No, that’s just the thing. He reaches out and grabs the first thing he can get his hands on, his dad’s Hitachi Gas Powered Handheld Blower. And that’s how he finds the aliens’ weakness!”

Oh, something to do with the low emission Pure Fire II engine, huh? Or maybe the plastic it’s made out of?

“Actually, it’s AIR! The aliens are allergic to air!”

Air?

“So everyone gets Hitachi blowers – which is easy because there is a special offer – and they run those aliens back into space!”

But wait, they were already on Earth.

“Not for long! So let’s talk. I can get the ending written up by next Wednesday. When can we get this baby into production?”

Umm, well, hold on. Let’s back track a minute. I wanna make sure I’m clear. The aliens come to Earth? Where there’s air all over?

“Yeah.”

But, they’re fine until people start shooting them with Hitachi blowers? Even though they’ve been here, in the air?

“Oh… I see what you’re getting at. Well how about this: you know the nerdy scientist who falls in love with the sexy female Marine? What if he discovers that when air moves at 170mph – which the Hitachi is capable of – its molecular makeup changes, making it alien poison.

Yeah, but that isn’t true about the molecules.

“Well, there aren’t giant spider-like aliens either.”

Actually, if you’ve read some of the pamphlets that I have you might… you know what, let’s not get into that now. I’ll make it simple: the air part has to go.

“Okay, then what if it’s an engine or plastic thing like you said? Or what if the aliens are allergic to getting hit over the head with Hitachi blowers?”

How much is Hitachi paying you?

“Quite a bit.”

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