Momma? You don’t need Momma! You need empowerment! Defend yourself!

A night light keeps out monsters, sure. But this is the 21st Century. We can’t just wait for the monsters to come to us. We have to proactive. Isn’t that a good word, proactive? Makes you feel like a businessman. Proactive. Mmmm, makes you happy inside.

Anyway, the Garrity Rechargeable LED Flashlight is designed for proactive monster removal. When the red LED is on, it’s charging. And it’s an automatic night light that can secure home base, a.k.a. Fort Bedtime. But when you know those monsters are right outside the door testing their stealth technology, you can escalate to Code Omega, and fire out that bright, long-lasting light of justice and freedom. Those monster’s’ll fold faster than a Commie at a poker tournament.

It takes about twenty hours for the very first charge, so you should get ready now. After that, though, you got 500 cycles of powerful monster-stoppin’ technology in your hands, as well as a LED bulb that’s gonna last about 11 years. So get ready, soldier. That Garrity Rechargeable LED Flashlight is gonna be a weapon you can grow up with.

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