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No. Put it down. That pan is disgusting. You were using it during the Reagan administration, and it was gross then. OK, yes, most things looked gross during the Reagan administration. The point is that you need new pans and, oh, hey, look! Excellent pans! What a coincidence!
KitchenAid official site
Turns out KitchenAid is not, as I originally and optimistically believed, a giant festival where famous musicians unite to make me dinner. What it actually is (high quality cookware manufacturer) is cool, I guess, but mostly I'm just depressed that I'll never get to try lasagna by the Who. On the upside, at least I won't have to be in the same room as Bono.
KitchenAid official site