Look, we’re not judging anyone’s brand here. But… WINDCHASER?

Hey, if somebody wants to go all My Little Pony about patio heaters, it’s no skin off our saddlebags. We’re just wondering if this is some higher plan. You know, like we’re in “phase one” of some marketing blitz.

Like right now, we’re seeing this WindChaser Patio Heater show up. It’s a good time, kids are in school, the stay-at-home parents are thinking about being outside but oh, that one last cold snap is hitting, sure would be nice if we could blahblahblah whatever, you all know what a WindChaser Patio Heater does. It heats your patio, it’s right in the name. And so a few people pick it up now, at a good price, to use next Autumn. Makes sense, right?

Then, around June, the marketing blitz begins. There’s a new cartoon about the Patio Heater Family. They throw some money at Whedon and McCracken to write something cute and exciting. Now everyone’s talking about these things. “Oh, SkyWarmth is my favorite!” “Oh, I like CoilFire the best, she’s so tough!” “Hey, I went on eBay, did you know there’s a WindChaser model that’s already out?” And suddenly, prices skyrocket! And everybody’s thinking “Wow, I had a chance to buy that WindChaser Patio Heater when it was dirt cheap! Don’t I feel foolish now!”

Which brings us to September, when the next wave of Generation 1 Patio Heaters are released. Now they’re flying off the shelves, selling for stupid amounts of money, and everyone’s calling them the must have item for Christmas 2011. Sure, they work for you as well, bringing heat so you can sit outdoors in the colder months, but that’s not how you get rich! You’ve gotta be a fad! You’ve gotta appeal to the collectors market and let them work for you!

Sure, there’s a slight chance that the WindChaser Patio Heater was named that because someone thought it would be cute, but c’mon, is that really the likely answer? What we’re seeing here, folks, is the opening wedge of a campaign that’s going to change the way we think about patio heaters and entertainment… forever. Do you want to be searching for a WindChaser Patio Heater at 11:30pm Christmas Eve while your child cries in the car about how Mommy and Daddy don’t know the true meaning of love? Or do you want to be the one with some extras, naming their price?

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