When we were kids, we'd sooner have died than gone a day without toast. Before we'd even scraped the crust from our eyes, we'd dash into the kitchen and beg our mother for toast, toast, a thousand times toast. Toast made us feel like a million-dollar superhero with the world on a leash, and the idea of facing a day without it was emotionally and physically overwhelming.

Turns out Mom was sprinkling it with powder cocaine. Hey, it was the '80s. That's just what people did back then.

Now she's safely locked away where she's not a danger to others, and we've enjoyed all six of our rehab stints so much that we've scheduled another relapse for mid-August. In the meantime, we'll be taking our toast "dry", if you will, from the Westinghouse Black 2-Slice Wide Toaster with Toaster Box. If its slots were any looser, it would be a casino - you can slide a halved bagel into that mug as easily as an exhausted sabertooth cat slides into a tar pit, only without all the fur and tar.

"But Woot," you snivel, "the only way I could fit this toaster into my kitchen would be to give up the space I normally use to store my bread." For God's sake, pull yourself together. As you may have guessed from the name, the Westinghouse Black 2-Slice Wide Toaster with Toaster Box includes a spacious side compartment for storing breadstuffs, turning your storage woes into storage whoa!s. It's the best toast augmentation we've seen since Mom's secret ingredient - and it won't destroy your physical and emotional health.

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