It did not naturally occur to young Arthur Best and sweet, timid Martha Gentlerose to muster the courage to approach strangers on the pavement, much less to ask for money; yet old Nickelpenny’s orders were as set in stone as Moses’ Commandments, and so the two children exerted the sincerest efforts on the passing crowd in Prince Queen Square.

“Shilling for an orphan, sir?,” Arthur queried a great fat shopclerk waddling across the stones. The man peered over his mutton-chops at the waif, and Arthur noticed the briefest pang of mercy in the fat man’s eyes before they clouded behind a curtain of indifference.

“Is it your understanding that farthings drop into my pocket from the great beyond?,” came the man’s granite reply. “They’re taking on men at the foundry, you know. I should think you’d be there seeking an honest day’s work instead of lollygagging about the gutters, harassing working folk.” He spat and trundled on. Martha wept.

The rest of the day’s cadgings met no greater success, and the bedraggled orphans trudged back to Nickelpenny’s Asylum for Redundant Children, hearts heavy with foreboding thoughts of old Nickelpenny’s unforgiving cane.

“Let’s have your day’s takings,” Nickelpenny gruffly demanded as the forlorn pair slunk into his chamber. On the wall behind his great oaken desk hung a Westinghouse 40” LCD HDTV with Built-in DVD Player. Nickelpenny immediately switched the contrivance off. Mustn't let the children steal a moment’s amusement from it. Its big flat-panel screen, its built-in DVD player, its integrated ATSC, NTSC, and QAM tuners – all were denied the orphans, lest the glowing entertainments erode their industry and sobriety.

“It weren’t a good day, sir,” Arthur meekly began, “You see, we -”

“What are you telling me, boy? I’ll have no freeloaders in this house!” Without rising from his padded chair, Nickelpenny took up his cane and menaced the children with it, swinging it in wide arcs around the desk. Martha wept. “If you two brats cannot bring in sufficient funds to cover your bed and board, I have no choice but to exact payment in bruises and scrapes! I’ll die before I see you take advantage -”

His rage was silenced by the Westinghouse 40” LCD HDTV falling from the wall and onto his skull, knocking the wicked headmaster limply to the desk. Arthur saw Little Martha behind Nickelpenny, meek as ever, her angelic face showing no hint that she had just crushed a man to death with a wall-mountable HDTV/DVD combo. “Oh, I’m ever so sorry, Arthur,” she apologized, barely above a whisper, “but I’d had just about enough of that jerk.”

Arthur smiled. “Fear not, dear one. We’ll stuff his crinkly old corpse into the coal chute. First, though, help me get this TV back up onto the wall. I think BBC4 is running a Life on Mars marathon tonight.” Martha laughed.

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