It wants its top ranking as our favorite joke formula back

Dear Clarence:

Amber and Tiffani and Jaden and I were talking and we all think you should totally buy this VTech phone.

It has enhanced 5.8 GHz technology and a volume control right on the handsets so you’ll be able to hear perfectly when 1993 calls to ask for its clothes back.

It has a digital answering system with 15 minutes of recording time in case you’re out in the yard when a walrus calls to ask for its facial hair back.

Its caller ID and call waiting system will store 45 calls, so you’ll be able to see if all seven dwarfs call over the course of a Saturday to ask for their physiques back.

It has a big, easy-to-read, illuminated display, so it will be easy for you to answer the phone in the middle of the night when Roman Polanski calls to ask for his sick sexual fantasies back.

The handset displays caller ID info when calls come in, too, so when the phone rings, you’ll be able to look and see that it’s Burger King french fries calling to ask for their grease back.

You can do remote message retrieval on it, too, which will be convenient if you’re on a weekend retreat with your family’s freaky cult church church but you want to call in and get the message that a bucket of cow snot called to ask for its charisma back.

Finally, there are three handsets so you can transfer the call to each of your creepy brothers in turn when raw chicken that’s been left out in the sun calls you guys to ask for its distinctive odor back.

P.S. Jaden wants to know if you like her, Y or N circle one.

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