“Hurry! Hurry! If we don’t act fast, I might lose the pinky toe!”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“My foot! Frostbite is setting in, I can feel it! Where’s the Vornado Soleaire Personal Foot Heater?”

“It’s in the bathroom closet, but… frostbite? It’s like 45 degrees outside. And you were only out for, what, 10 minutes? How long does it take to fold up the patio umbrella and stack up the chairs?”

“Long enough for my foot to get really, really cold! Only the Soleaire’s revitalizing warmth and passive-massage bumps can possibly save that pinky toe! The situation is critical!”

“Here it is. But I think you’re overreacting again. It’s like that time you thought you got a concussion from ‘walking too hard.’ Or when you were convinced that glob of spaghetti sauce on your arm was melanoma.”

“Will you ever let me live that down? A few thousand dollars in unnecessary radiology procedures and I’m branded a hypochondriac for life. Ahhh, that Vornado Soleaire Personal Foot Heater seems to be doing the trick. The feeling’s coming back in that toe. I don’t want to start celebrating yet, but it looks like amputation won’t be necessary.”

“What a miracle. So did you put the umbrella in the garage or the basem-”

“AAAGHHH! Ow! Help! Help!”

“What? What’s wrong? Is it your foot again?”

“Yes! I burned it on that Vornado Soleaire Personal Foot Heater! Like, fourth or fifth-degree burns, I bet! If I don’t get medical attention I might lose the pinky toe!”

“Sigh…I’m thinking about losing something myself.”

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