Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t pull your head up from the tablet computer every once in a while, you might miss it.

WHEW! Finally, three stars on every level! Take that you stupid pigs!

“Welcome back, Brian. It’s good to have you among the living again.”

Steve? Steve, is that you? When did you grow that crazy beard? Wait, this isn’t my apartment. It looks like a cave! Where are we? Where’s Josie? Why am I full of tubes? WHAT’S GOING ON?

“Shhh. Calm down, buddy. It’s okay. A lot of things have changed since you got that Vizio 8” Android Tablet, and it won’t do you or anyone else down here any good for you to panic. Now, what’s the last thing you remember?”

Remember? I just beat Angry Birds and…

“No, before that.”

I… I was in my apartment. It was my birthday. Josie had just given me the Vizio 8” Android Tablet with 802.11n Wi-Fi and Bluetooth® along with the folio case I’d asked for. You and Mary were on your way over to play some Scattergories, so I figured I’d start downloading some apps and set up the built-in IR blaster and universal remote control to work with my other home theater devices until you got there. I guess I sort of lost track of time.

“I’ll say you did. You lost track of three whole years, buddy. You were in the hospital for two of those years before we had to move you down here.”

WHAT? You’re talking nonsense. I want to see Josie. Where is she?

“She’s not here, Brian. She left two years ago to be with your brother. They’re married now, with two beautiful children, and hopefully hiding out somewhere like we are. After you’d lost yourself in that 8” high resolution 1024 x 768 capacitive touch screen, you were unresponsive. You wouldn’t say or do anything but stare at that screen playing games or watching streaming movies from Netflix or HuluPlus. Didn’t you see their status updates?”

Well, yeah, but I figured it was just a joke like that silly “Alien Invasion Day” thing everyone was into. Some of those posts were pretty realistic! Good thing my tablet had that front facing camera and microphone or I would’ve missed all those priceless prank calls. I can still see Mom and Dad screaming and crying about how much they loved me before they disappeared in that flash of OMG THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?!

“We tried so hard to wake you from your trance, but you just wouldn’t let go of that ergonomic folio case. We all sort of gave up hope that you’d ever look up from it. Then, when the Visitors came, we kept the tablet plugged in hoping you wouldn’t so that you’d be spared the horror.”

No. NO, I DON’T BELIEVE YOU! This is some kind of birthday trick or something, isn’t it?! Josie! JOSIE, WHERE ARE YOU?! JOSIE!

“Brian, please. Brian, just look back down at the screen. See? I’ve got Fruit Ninja up and running?”

Fru… Fruit Ninja?

“There you go, buddy. Just relax and look into the light. Everything will be all right as long as you look into the light.”

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