Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Shadowed Wind, please, come right in. Would you care for some coffee? Biscotti? They are rather delicious, if I do say so myself.

After all, the secret of making them has been handed down for generations among the founders of our ninja clan. No? Perhaps a peppermint? Well, that’s fine, we should get to business anyway. Of course, let me say thank you for coming all the way here, I hope it wasn’t too hard to find this secret mountain fortress in which we train. Well. Let’s just be direct about this, shall we?

Mr. and Mrs. Shadowed Wind, my concern, as the headmaster and the properly certified ninja lord of this hemisphere, is about the behavior of your son. And I personally think your new 47” Vizio 1080p LCD HDTV is to blame.

Now, Mr. and Mrs. Shadowed Wind, children are malleable, one might even describe them as fluid, in their ability to adapt. Why, just last week, defending our camp from a strike team made up of elite Russian troops, I had cause to reflect on how much violence the average child sees before he or she comes of age. Society, Mr. and Mrs. Shadowed Wind. It demands things up front. “Extreme” and “in your face”. It demands things like a 6500 to 1 Dynamic Contrast Ratio and SRS TruSurround XT high definition surround sound and an incredible number of connections for gaming, home theater, and the like. As well you know, Mr. and Mrs. Shadowed Wind, the way of the ninja is not compatible with that sort of thing at all.

Mr. and Mrs. Shadowed Wind, last week, I personally caught your son out of his room after hours, meeting with a young lady here at the school. Now, normally, of course, a ninja would simply receive extra credit for being out of their room at night. After all, what are we if not sneaky rulebreakers? But your son, Mr. and Mrs. Shadowed Wind, your son did not sneak. He walked, boldly, across the nightingale floor. Boldly! Like some sort of… main character! The kind you’d see in perfect clarity on a 47” Vizio 1080p LCD HDTV through the use of the built-in Digital/QAM tuner! Are you understanding where I’m going with this, Mr. and Mrs. Shadowed Wind?

When I confronted the boy, he didn’t lie, or blame the girl, or even attempt to run and hide until I had left the room, allowing him a greater chance of an efficient escape. He didn’t feign death or spit poison into my eyes as one might have expected. He simply admitted it, took all the blame, and stood his ground. Stood his ground! Against an opponent that clearly was of greater power and ability! To protect a friend in trouble! There there, Mrs. Shadowed Wind, have a tissue.

So that’s why I’ve asked you here today. Because I feel that your son has been exposed to far too many “heroic movies” on that accursed instrument of good that comes fully mountable, the 47” Vizio 1080p LCD HDTV. Mr. and Mrs. Shadowed Wind, I am afraid that your son’s path no longer lies along the dark and twisty, easily missed, hard-to-find road that the ninja generally prefers to travel upon.

I’ve taken the liberty of contacting my colleague at Paladin University. Here’s the brochure. Please, think it over.

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