It was inevitable, really. Quality was just TOO good.

Much as the fall of Pink Floyd coincided with the rise of The Sex Pistols, much as overproduced 80s synth-pop opened the door to fuzzy 90s grunge, so to have the ultra-clean Kanyes have required the existence of bands like Sleigh Bells, bands that embrace the chaos and fuzz of a cheap speaker system and run with it. And you know what that means, right? You got it, the return of the 78.

Thankfully, there are plenty of those just lying around. They’re mostly indestructible. So you want to be the next Beck? Grab some scratchy old 78s from a thrift store and pop ‘em on a Vibe USB Turntable.

Boasting three speeds, including the often-overlooked 78, this turntable should be a nice easy way to make a nice clean digital copy of all those dirty old records. Line up your ugly, muddy beats, lay a rap about Batman (because everyone loves Batman) and maybe make a few ironic social statements about gender inequality, and bingo, bango, Bob’s-your-uncle, you’ve got a most wanted split 7” on the front page of Pitchfork! Hey, it beats workin’, right?

The Vibe USB Turntable also might be a great way to covert thrift-store finds to an iFriendly format, but let’s face it, that’ll never get you into the secret Brooklyn bars. So let’s stick with the first plan. Hey, have we ever steered you wrong before? Not counting that last time?

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