This is your chance to adopt one of the last specimens of a dying breed. It’ll be like having a Tasmanian Tiger in your yard, or making all your calls on one of those hand-crank telephones like the one they used on “Lassie.” You’ll be an eccentric!

There was nothing unusual about owning an HD-DVD player a couple years ago. Why, anybody who enjoys watching movies with a bright, sharp picture might’ve had one. But now? Ah, to buy one now is to start down the path to the kind of lifestyle where you listen to 8-tracks instead of mp3s. “I just prefer the format,” you’ll say, as you re-cinch your smoking jacket, or adjust your fez, or comb some more wax into your magnificent handlebar moustache.

Besides, HD-DVDs are cheap, and about to get cheaper. Soon you’ll be able to pick them up at garage sales, where they’ll be available by the boxload alongside VHS tapes. And if the selection seems a little… random, well, your Venture HD-DVD player still plays regular ol’ DVDs just fine.

But to get your collection started, this player will come with two HD-DVD movies. You’ll get two of the following, in decreasing order of desirability: 300 (“Sweet, I loved that movie!”), The Bourne Identity (“Cool, I really liked that movie.”), The Perfect Storm (“Oh, I heard that was good.”), Rumor Has It (“Hmn.”) or Firewall (“Ugh, how much you want to bet that’s one of the ones we get?”)

So snap this player up—then trade in your Ford Focus for a Harley Topper! ‘Cause today… OK, today you’re a little out of date. But in a few short years? Boy, you’re going to be the lovable neighborhood oddball. The hit of every cocktail party. The kids’ favorite house on Hallowe’en. They’ll say “you know old man [your name], the guy who keeps bees, and invents his own slang? The guy with the outdoor shower, who plucks his eyebrows into that weird shape? Did you know he watches HD-DVDs? That guy’s awesome!”

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