Don’t be fooled by the superficial peace in your office right now. Sure, everything might seem nice and placid, for the moment. Boring, even. But make no mistake: as you blissfully type away, your enemies are out there somewhere, waiting for their chance to invade your cubicle and destroy your way of life, to sprinkle unfamiliar orange snack-food crumbs into your keyboard and reset your Windows wallpaper to something pornographic. When the thin veneer of civilization cracks and your office descends into a brutal Darwinian free-for-all, as all offices do eventually, will you be ready?

With this USB Missile Launcher, you’ll have the defensive capability you need to ensure the integrity of your borders. Attacks from rogue cubicles can be met with an overwhelming response of sheer foam-rubber force. Chances are the barbarians will move on at the mere sight of your awesome toy arsenal. If not, your course of action is clear: identify the enemy, target the missiles on your PC with a Windows XP-based guidance system, and take appropriate action to rectify the hell out of the situation.

In mere minutes, even the calmest workplace can turn into a blood-soaked abattoir of human misery, a cut-throat killing field where only the sociopathic and the well-armed will survive. Military experts say the war in Chechnya started when a pudding cup went missing from an office fridge. The USB Missile Launcher might be all that stands between you and total annihilation. Plus, it’s lots of fun.

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