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Why should I pay upwards of ten bucks to see some no-talent teenage bimbo who talks to her car? It was stupid in HERBIE: FULLY LOADED and it’s stupid again in TRANSFORMERS. Both TRANSFORMERSes, actually! And that’s the cream of the meager current crop, right there. What is it, nothing but mindless spectacle, gutter language and perversion these days.
Nah, give me my twelve-DVD set of “United Artists Cinema Greats,” that’s all the more movies I need to see. It’s got PATHS OF GLORY with Kirk Douglas. Now there was a movie star! Who they got in movies these days, henh? What, Jake Gyllen-whosit? That kid doesn’t have enough talent to fill the crack of Douglas’s chin-butt! Phooey!
And action, sure! You want action? I got THE GREAT ESCAPE, maybe the best dubya-dubya-two prison-break movie of all time! You gotcher all-star cast, you gotcher drama, yer humor, yer stunts. Lemme tell you something about stunts. When you see a dangerous-looking motorcycle jump in THE GREAT ESCAPE, that’s on film. Somebody jumped that bike, you better believe it. Not like today. Today nobody does stunts; they just draw a computer cartoon of it. Feh!
And comedy? Shoot, here’s THE PINK PANTHER, with Peter Sellers at his Gallophobic best. I pity kids today, with the horrible PINK PANTHER movies their generation’s got. If you told them that 45 years ago, PINK PANTHER movies were funny, they’d never believe you.
Hey, also I got DR. NO, the original James Bond picture, back when James Bond was tough, before he started shopping at the Sharper Image! Now that’s a spy movie. See how your modern spy thriller stacks up—see if THE BOURNE IDENTITY compares, f’rinstance. Nothin’ doin’! You know what the makers of DR. NO had that the BOURNE IDENTITY crew coulda used? A tripod, that’s what. Crimenitly! If you’re gonna go to the trouble of filming something, maybe don’t shake the camera around so much so I can see it, henh? I tried to sit through ten minutes of that picture; I got motion sickness.
What else I got here? Ah, ROCKY. That one I don’t watch so much. Plus seven more. I tell you, this set plus a copy of KANSAS CITY BOMBER (sold separately) is every Hollywood movie a person could ever need. And all on DVD, the way they were intended to be seen! Yeah, that’s right, I don’t go in for that newfangled Blu-Ray. Who needs it? I like my movies the old way, on DVD! If I wanted to be able to see every last dormant follicle on Brynner’s dome, I’d have my cataracts out! Feh!
Features:
Best of United Artists, Volume 1
| The Pink Panther (1964) | |
| Arriving at an Italian ski resort with a large diamond known as the Pink Panther, Princess Dala (Claudia Cardinale) encounters the suave Sir Charles (Niven), who also happens to be the notorious jewel thief The Phantom. Can Clouseau (Sellers), the clumsiest inspector ever to trip over a case, stop Sir Charles’ plot…or will The Phantom steal the “cat” and leave Clouseau holding the bag? | |
| A Mirisch Company Presentation A Blake Edwards Production Starring: David Niven, Peter Sellers, Robert Wagner, Capucine, Brenda De Bangie, Colin Gordon, Fran Jeffries, Claudia Cardinale Written By: Maurice Richlin snd Blake Edwards Produced By: Martin Jurow Music By: Henry Mancini Region; 1 |
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| 1964 Color 115 Minutes Widescreen 1.85:1 Not Rated English 5.1 Dolby Surround English Mono Original Audio Spanish Mono French Mono Subtitled in English, Spanish, French Captioned Dual Layer |
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| The Magnificent Seven | |
| Merciless Calvera (Wallach) and his band of ruthless outlaws are terrorizing a poor Mexican village, and even the bravest lawmen can’t stop them. Desperate, the locals hire Chris Adams (Brynner) and six other gunfighters to defend them. With time running out before Calvera’s next raid, the heroic seven must prepare the villagers for battle and help them find the courage to take back their town or die trying! | |
| A Mirisch Company Presentation Starring: Yul Brenner, Eli Wallach, Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson, Robert Vaughn, Brad Dexter, James Coburn, and Horst Buchholz Music By: Elmer Berstein Screenplay By: William Roberts Produced and Directed By: John Sturges Executive Producer: Walter Mirisch Filmed In: Panavision Color By: Deluxe Region: 1 |
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| 1960 Color 128 Minutes Widescreen 2.35:1 Not Rated English 5.1 Dolby Surround English Mono Spanish Mono French Mono Subtitled in Spanish, French Captioned Single Layer |
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| A Fistful of Dollars (Collector’s Edition) | |
| A mysterious gunman (Eastwood) has just arrived in San Miguel, a grim, dusty border town where two rival bands of smugglers are terrorizing the impoverished citizens. A master of the “quick-draw,”the stranger soon receives offers of employment from each gang. But his loyalty cannot be bought; he accepts both jobs…and sets in motion a plan to destroy both groups of criminals, pitting one against the other in a series of brilliantly orchestrated setups, showdowns and deadly confrontations. | |
| Starring: Clint Eastwood, Marianne Koch, John Wels, W. Lukschy, S.Rupp, Joe Edger Directed By: Sergio Leone Produced By: Harry Columbo and George Papi Printed In: Technicolor Disc 1 Side A: Widescreen Disc 1 Side B: Full Screen Region: 1 |
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| 1962 Color 110 Minutes Widescreen 1.66:1 Rated PG English 5.1 DTS English 5.1 Dolby Surround English Mono Spanish Mono Subtitled in English, French Captioned Double Sided Single Layer |
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| Dr. No | |
| Sent to Jamaica to investigate the murders of a British agent and his secretary, James Bond comes into contact with the evil and unscrupulous Chinese scientist Dr. No (Joseph Wiseman) who, living on an island called Crab Key, is hard at work in a nuclear laboratory. Dr. No’s scheme is to divert rockets being fired from Cape Canaveral off their charted course and to blackmail the United States. With the help of Ursula Andress, will Bond be able to stop this evil plan from fruition? | |
| An Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Saltzman Presentation Written By: Ian Flemming Starring: Sean Connery, Ursala Andress, Joseph Wiseman, Jack Lord, and Bernard Lee Screenplay By: Richard Maibaum, Johanna Harwood, and Berkley Mather Directed By: Terence Young Music Composed by: Monty Norman Eon Productions Limited Printed In: Technicolor Region: 1 |
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| 1964 Color 110 Minutes Widescreen 2.35:1 Rated R (For Violence) English Mono Spanish Mono Subtitled in English, Spanish, French Captioned Single Layer |
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Best of United Artists, Volume 2
| The Great Escape | |
| In 1943, the Germans opened Stalag Luft North, a maximum-security prisoner-of-war camp, designed to hold even the craftiest escape artists. In doing so, however, the Nazis unwittingly assembled the finest escape team in military history brilliantly portrayed here by Steve McQueen, James Garner, Charles Bronson and James Coburn who worked on what became the largest prison breakout ever attempted. | |
| Special Features: 24-minute in-depth documentary on the making of The Great Escape Original Theatrical Trailer |
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| Starring: Steve McQueen, James Garner, Richard Attenborough, James Donald, Charles Bronson, Donald Pleasence, and James Cobern Produced and Directed By: John Sturges Screenplay By: James Clavell and W.R. Burnett Based Upon the Book By: Paul Brickell Music: Elmer Bernstein Color By: Deluxe Panavision A Mirisch-Alpha Picture Region: 1 |
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| 1963 Color 172 Minutes Widescreen 2.35:1 Not Rated English Mono French Mono Subtitled in English, Spanish, French Captioned Dual Layer |
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| Rocky | |
| Fighting for love, glory and self-respect, Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) is a Philadelphia club fighter who seems to be going nowhere. But when a stroke of fate puts him in the ring with a world heavyweight champion, Rocky knows that it’s his one shot at the big time – a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go the distance and come out a winner! | |
| Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Carl Weathers, and Burgess Meredith Written By: Sylvester Stallone Produced By: Irvin Winkler and Robert Chartoff Directed By: John G. Avildsen Executive Producer: Gene Kirkwood Music By: Bill Conti |
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| 1976 Color 120 Minutes Widescreen 1.85:1 Rated PG English 5.1 DTS English Original Mono French 5.1 Dolby Surround Spanish Mono Subtitled in English, Spanish, French Captioned Dual Layer |
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| West Side Story | |
| A love affair is fated for tragedy amidst the vicious rivalry of two street gangs the Jets and the Sharks. When Jets member Tony (Richard Beymer) falls for Maria (Natalie Wood), the sister of the Sharks leader, it’s more than these two warring gangs can handle. And as mounting tensions rise, a battle to the death ensues, and innocent blood is shed in a heartbreaking finale. | |
| Starring: Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer, Russ Tamblyn, Rita Moreno and George Chakiris Directed By: Robert Wise and Jerome Robbins Screenplay By: Ernest Lehman Associate Producer: Saul Chaplin Choreography By: Jerome Robbins Music By: Leonard Bernstein Music Composed By: Johnny Green Presented By: Mirisch Pictures, Inc. Lyrics By: Stephen Sondheim Filmed In: Panavision Technicolor Region: 1 |
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| 1961 Color 152 Minutes Widescreen 2.20:1 Not Rated English 5.1 Dolby Surround French Mono Spanish Mono Subtitled in English, Spanish, French Captioned Dual Layer |
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| The Thomas Crown Affair (1968) | |
| A bored millionaire businessman (Steve McQueen) tired of being part of the ‘establishment’ arranges a brilliant bank robbery which nets millions. Set on cracking the case, insurance investigator Vicky Anderson (Faye Dunaway) falls madly in love with the man whom she suspects to be behind the heist. | |
| A Mirisch Corporation Presentation Starring: Steve McQueen, Fay Dunaway, Paul Burke, and Jack Weston A Norman Jewison Film Music: Micheal Legrand Written By: Alan R. Trustman Produced and Directed By: Norman Jewison Color By: Deluxe Disc 1 Side A: Widescreen Disc 1 Side B: Full Screen Region: 1 |
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| 1968 Color 105 Minutes Widescreen 1.85:1 Rated R English Mono Subtitled in English, Spanish, French Captioned Dual Layer |
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Best of United Artists, Volume 3
| 12 Angry Men | |
| Eleven jurors are convinced that the defendant is guilty of murder. The twelfth has no doubt of his innocence. How can this one man steer the others toward the same conclusion? It’s a case of seemingly overwhelming evidence against a teenager accused of killing his father. | |
| Starring: Henry Fonda, Lee J. Cobb, Ed Begley, E.G. Marshall, Jack Warden, Martin Balsam, John Fiedler, Jack Klugman, Edward Binns, Joseph Sweeney, George Voskovec and Robert Webber Story and Screenplay By: Reginald Rose Directed By: Sidney Lumet Produced By: Henry Fonda and Reginald Rose Associate Producer: George Justin An Orion-Nova Production Region 1 |
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| 1957 Black and White 96 Minutes Widescreen 1.66:1 Not Rated English Mono French Mono Subtitled in Spanish, French Captioned Dual Layer |
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| Paths of Glory | |
| Safe in their picturesque chateau behind the front lines, the French general staff passes down a direct order to Colonel Dax (Kirk Douglas): take the Ant Hill at any cost. A blatant suicide mission, the attack is doomed to failure. Covering up their fatal blunder, the generals order the arrest of three innocent soldiers, charging them with cowardice and mutiny. Dax, a lawyer in civilian life, rises to the men’s defense but soon realizes that, unless he can prove that the generals were to blame,nothing less than a miracle will save his clients from the firing squad. | |
| Starring Kirk Douglas, Ralph Meeker, Adolphe Menjou, George Macready, Wayne Morris and Richard Anderson Screenplay By: Stanley Kubrick, Calder Willingham and Jim Thompson Based On A Novel By: Humphrey Cobb Directed By: Stanley Kubrick Produced By: James B. Harris A Bryna Production |
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| 1957 Black and White 87 Minutes Full Screen 1.33:1 Not Rated English Mono French Mono Subtitled in Spanish, French Captioned Dual Layer |
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| Judgment at Nuremberg | |
| American judge Dan Haywood (Spencer Tracy) presides over the trial of four German jurists accused of “legalizing” Nazi atrocities. But as graphic accounts of sterilization and murder unfold in the courtroom, mounting political pressure for leniency forces Haywood to make the most harrowing and difficult decision of his career. | |
| Special Features: “In Conversation: Abby Mann and Maximilian Schell” Featurette “A Tribute to Stanley Kramer” Featurette “The Value of a Single Human Beaing” Featurette Photo Gallery |
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| Starring: Spencer Tracy, Burt Lancaster, Richard Widmark, Marlene Dietrich, Judy Garland, Maximilian Schell, Montgomery Clift, William Shatner, Edward Binns and Kenneth MacKenna Written By: Abby Mann Music By: Ernest Gold Produced and Directed By: Stanley Kramer Region: 1 |
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| 1961 Black and White 186 Minutes Widescreen 1.66:1 Not Rated English Dolby 5.1 English Mono Subtitled in English, Spanish, French Captioned Dual Layer |
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| A Bridge Too Far | |
| In September 1944, flush with success after the Normandy Invasion, the Allies confidently launched Operation Market Garden, a wild scheme intended to put an early end to the fighting by invading Germany and smashing the Reich’s war plants. But a combination of battlefield politics, faulty intelligence, bad luck and even worse weather led to disaster beyond the Allies’ darkest fears. | |
| Starring: Dirk Bogarte, James Caan, Michael Cane, Sean Connery, Edward Fox, Elliot Gould, Gene Hackman, Anthony Hopkins, Hardy Krueger, Laurence Olivier, Ryan O’Neal, Robert Redford, Maximilian Schell, Liv Ullman From The Book By: Cornelius Ryan Music By: John Addison Screenplay By: William Goldman Produced By: Joseph Levine and Richard P. Levine Directed By: Richard Attenbourough |
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| 1977 Color 176 Minutes Widescreen 2.35:1 Rated PG English Dolby 5.1 English Mono French Mono Subtitled in English, French Captioned Dual Layer |
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In the box:
| 12 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
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