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“Yes, Peter. Do tell us.!”
“It’s my… are you okay, Barbara?”
“Indeed, Peter. My therapist has me on a new medication to combat my delusions. Please, continue. Am I to assume it is a new telephone you are introducing to the group?
“Yeah, it’s a refurbished Uniden 5.8GHz Dual Handset Digital Cordless Phone with Answering System. How did you know that?”
“That Barbara’s one smart cookie, Petey!”
“Wow! Abraham Lincoln!”
“That’s right, Petey.”
“No, Lincoln. I deny you. You are a product of a chemical imbalance and I refuse to acknowledge a reality in which you exist. Peter, please excuse me, I must do my breathing exercises. Onnnnnnne. Twooooooooooo.”
“Breathing’s very important, Barbara. Why, when my wife, Mary Todd, had her little spat with Congress regarding the proper way to redecorate the White House, I learned a great deal about breathing. Just like you’ll have to learn how to use this Uniden as a baby monitor! By using the base or handset as a microphone, you can listen in! Guess you’d have to be sure to turn off the ringer.”
“Onnnnnnnne.”
“Wow, Mr. Lincoln! And I bet the Digital Spread Spectrum Technology offers a wider frequency range than older phones, right? And you can assign a designated ring tone to any stored phonebook number?”
“Twooooooooooo.”
“Right you are, Petey! Well done! Hey, Barbara, do you feel better now?”
“I deny you, Lincoln. You are a mere hallucination. I clearly have forgotten to take my pills.”
“You mean these, Barbara?”
“Let go of my pills, Lincoln.”
“You don’t need these, Barbara. Take it from a guy that grew up in a log cabin: there’s nothing you can’t solve with a little elbow grease.”
“Does that come with the Uniden 5.8GHz Dual Handset Digital Cordless Phone with Answering System, Mr. Lincoln?”
“Hahahaha! It just might, Petey! It just might!”
“Hello, Doctor? This is Barbara. Yes, it’s the pills, they’re not helping. I’d like to consider that restful clinic you mentioned. The one upstate with the full staff. Yes, that’s right. Oh, I forgot to ask, is there any way I can pay you in phones? I have so many and… no, I guess not, it was a silly question anyway.”
“There are no silly questions, Barbara! Just silly-”
“STUFF IT, LINCOLN, I’M ON THE UNIDEN.”
Uniden TRU88852 Dual Handset Phone System
Base
Handset
Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty
Features:
Answering Machine Features:
In the box:
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