Hi, can I speak with BigD? Tell him it’s Kendog4. I… hello? Hello?

Cut off. Huh. Well, maybe it’s a new receptionist or something. Guess BigD’s in a meeting or something, he’s always taken my calls before. At least I’m not in a hurry. I can just wander around my house, thanks to my Uniden 4 Handset 5.8GHz Phone. Maybe I’ll stop by the sewing room and make a few sockpuppets. Those always come in handy. And it’s fun to sew on the button eyes. Yeah, hi, I was just cut off. I’m Kendog4, waiting to speak with BigD. It was probably an accident, but you should be careful, because I’m a pretty big name in the… unbelievable. Disconnected again. What’s happening in that place?

Thankfully, the Uniden 4 Handset 5.8GHz Phone has a speakerphone. That means if I get tired of holding one of the three normal handsets, I can just set it down and walk all over the place. Except for my living room. I have all those boxes of unsold product in there. It sure will be great to get rid of those things. I can’t imagine what I’d do if I were stuck with all of them because of some dumb decision that I didn’t totally think through. I’d probably start crying myself to sleep every night or something like that. Hey, buddy, what’s going on? That’s twice now you’ve hung up on me! Are you even passing along my message? Listen, when BigD finds out what you’re doing to his A#1 customer… they did it again! Man, you think they’d know how to treat a client by now.

You know what? I should go out by the pool and relax. I love pools. I also love the fourth waterproof handset and base that came with my Uniden 4 Handset 5.8GHz Phone. It can survive in up to three feet of water for around thirty minutes! That means I don’t have to worry when I drop it in the toilet. Oh, yeah, all real businessmen make their calls while they’re on the toilet. You get that echo, makes you sound all spaceman, it’s great. And the best part is, after you tell people that story? They won’t ever try to steal your- yeah, listen, there’s something wrong with your transfer button or whatever stupid thing it is that you’re doing. This is Kendog4 again, and I’m really getting mad. Why don’t you give me BigD’s direct number and… he said what? What? Listen, buddy, I know you think this is funny, but I don’t think you know who you’re messing with here. People like me, we know how the internet works, see. If you don’t put me through to BigD right now, you’re gonna find out exactly what I’m…

...huh. That’s interesting. Hey, can you hold on a second? This truck just arrived outside with a whole bunch of unsold merchandise that seems to be a return. I gotta go check this out. Tell BigD to call me when he…they hung up again! Aw, crap, and my handset just fell in the toilet, too! Man, what did I do to deserve a day like this?

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