Earl: Brother, close that Dumpster. Forget about those cans. I got an idea that’s gonna pay our rent for years, maybe even months.

Merle: Oh, brother. I’m not dropping this can until I hear this idea.

Earl: Are you ready? Get ready. Here it is: mouse fights.

Merle: Oh, brother. What, now?

Earl: Once or twice a week, we set up a ring in the basement and stock up the cooler with cheap beer. Think about it: two bucks a head, plus another two per beer, plus a cut off the top of all the betting action. I’ve got contacts in the local illicit-animal-fighting community to help get the word out. My research indicates that the Potosi-Sullivan area is ready for something like this.

Merle: Oh, brother. Where do we get the mice? And how do we make them fight?

Earl: Getting them to fight is the easy part. They’re natural warriors. As far as getting ahold of them, well, right now Woot’s selling two mice postpaid for eight bucks. Your sister still got that list of credit card numbers from when she worked at the call center?

Merle: Oh, brother. Them ain’t real mice. They’re Toshiba USB Optical Scroll Mice. You use them with computers. Lotsa good things about them – easy USB connectivity, clean optical sensor, a scroll wheel – but they’re about as much good in a fight as Gerry Cooney.

Earl: Oh. Huh. For real? Huh. We, uh, probably wouldn’t make too much money off that, I guess.

Merle: Oh, brother. Listen, either give me a hand with these cans or figure out some other way to make rent.

Earl: (sigh) I guess it’s back to the meth lab.

Back to top