After that time my pal and I got lost in the desert, I never go anywhere without my TomTom 5” Touchscreen Portable GPS.

To be fair, it wasn’t COMPLETELY his fault. I’ll admit, I should have been more aggressive with the guy trying to sell me a horse with no name. And I was skeptical, for real, because some guy selling horses at the edge of a desert? A desert that takes a nine day ride to cross? You know, something’s shady right off the bat. But my pal just stepped right up and handed over the money and wouldn’t you know it? Three days later we’re bright red and staring at a dry river.

So now, instead of just wandering around singing “la laaa lalalala” for a week, I use my TomTom 5” Touchscreen Portable GPS with Text to Speech & IQ Routes to find out where I’m going and how to get there. Two gigs of flash memory and a ton of pre-loaded maps, there’s basically nowhere in the United States or Canada that I can’t go. Not to mention MapShare, which lets me and other people correct errors and pass them around. Boy, that sure would have come in handy when I was trying to drive a thirsty horse past plants and birds and rocks and things.

Of course, the TomTom 5” Touchscreen Portable GPS has that neat Text-To-Speech thing where the machine will talk to me, reading out the street names so I don’t have to pay attention, and that’s a huge plus. Also, I know that it’s supposed to do that, so I won’t freak out. My pal, he started trusting some turtle he thought was saying his name, and that was the last I saw of him. Figure he’s still out there somewhere, just walking around. Last I heard he stumbled into Burning Man and told everyone he could do magic, got some media exposure.

Maybe I should check up on him at some point.

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