What are we flying on, the back of a bumblebee?

Stewarde- I mean, Ms. Flight Attendant, I assure you my Tommy Bahama Essentials Gadget Bag will fit in the overhead compartment or beneath the seat in front of me. I realize it’s a smaller plane, but this isn’t a huge bag. Perhaps you’re assuming, based on its many pockets and compartments, that its spaciousness requires a large volume.

This bag, my dear Ms. Flight Attendant, is a mere 11” x 9.5” x 18”. Well within your airline’s spatial requirements for carry-on luggage. And yet within those diminutive dimensions I have my shoes, iPod, cell phone, wallet, passport, t-shirt, change of underwear, razor, novelty hat, sunglasses, and chargers for all aforementioned electronics.

Look lady, I’m trying to be civil. This is TOMMY. BAHAMA. You don’t check a Tommy Bahama bag. Well to be honest because I think those monkeys down there will scuff the genuine leather trim and luggage tag. Who knows? They might break the 51” shoulder strap. One of them might urinate in any of the six zippered compartments.

Okay, so that last one’s a stretch, but I’m not checking this bag!

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