This will be the third greatest watch you will ever own.

The second greatest watch you will ever own will be given to you while you are sitting at your grandfather’s bedside just before he passes away. He will take your hand and give you the watch his commanding officer gave him as a show of appreciation of his service during the war.”History,” he will whisper to you with some of the last breaths he will ever take. “History is a very important thing.” He will then go to join his loved ones in the tunnel of light and live no more.

Unfortunately, no matter how important history is, it won’t keep that bookie off your back. You’ll have to pawn the thing fast if you want to keep all your fingers for your grandfather’s funeral.

The greatest watch you will ever own will be dropped by someone you think is a hobo but is actually a time traveler from the 32nd century who has lost his mind. When you pick it up, you will accidentally hit a button that will send you forward in time to dystopic era in which humanity is ruled by horrible pigeon-bots. There you will have a grand adventure and save the world from their awful tyranny, but a twist of fate will transport you back to moments just before you left. Your mind will shatter and you will drop the watch on the sidewalk for your past self to pick up, thus completing the circle of destiny.

THIS watch, however, is a darn fine watch, the third best you’ll ever have. This blue Timex iControl Ironman Resin Strap Watch has controls for your iPod (but not the Shuffle) and iPhone (if it’s in Airplane Mode) built right in so you can control your music while walking, running, or exercising. Not only that, you’ll have all the other great features you’ve come to expect from Timex, including various alarm settings, lap management system, 100-hour chronograph with lap or split in large digits, and more. You will always think fondly on this watch. So much so, that you will name your first child “Timex”.

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