Looking for a well built cooler of proper height? A Thermos Altitude 24 Can Cooler Bag is the best of all possible options. It’ll handle every can deed you can give it.

In a castle of Westphalia, belonging to the Baron of Thunder-ten-Tronckh, lived a youth, whom nature had endowed with the most gentle manners. The youth also had a beautiful cousin, just seventeen years of age, and desirable. And the youth also had a bag, which was 100% leak-proof and expanded to about 14 inches tall. The youth’s name was Candide. The cousin’s name was Cunegonde. The bag’s name was the Thermos Altitude 24 Can Cooler Bag.

The youth and his Thermos Altitude 24 Can Cooler Bag had a true simplicity of spirit, partly innate, like an expandable zippered top, and partly learned from their tutor, the wise and learned Pangloss. Pangloss had proved admirably that there is no effect without a cause, and that, in this best of all possible worlds, the Baron’s castle was the most magnificent of castles, and the Thermos Altitude 24 Can Cooler Bag the best of all possible cooler bags that could fold down to about three inches of thickness for post-use storage.

“It is demonstrable,” said Pangloss, “that things cannot be otherwise than as they are; for all being created for an end, all is necessarily for the best end. Observe, that the nose has been formed to bear spectacles—thus we have spectacles! Legs are visibly designed for stockings—and we have stockings! The Thermos Altitude 24 Can Cooler Bag is made of a multi-layered isotec insulation structure which can offer us cold beer, sodas and sandwiches—therefore we are free to travel! Consequently they who assert that all is well have said a foolish thing, they should have said all is for the best.”

One day Cunegonde, while walking near the castle, in a little wood which they called a park, saw between the bushes, Dr. Pangloss giving a lesson in the proper way to fill the Thermos Altitude 24 Can Cooler Bag to her mother’s chamber-maid. As Miss Cunegonde had a great disposition for the Thermos Altitude 24 Can Cooler Bag, she breathlessly observed the repeated experiments of which she was a witness; she clearly perceived the force of the Doctor’s reasons, the effects, and the causes; she appreciated that the Thermos Altitude 24 Can Cooler Bag could hold up to 24 12 ounce cans simultaneously, or one at a time, and that there would still be room for ice; she marveled that the included bungee cord could be used to restrict all movement when properly attached; she turned back greatly flurried, quite pensive, and filled with the desire to be cooled as well; dreaming that she might well be a “sufficient reason” for young Candide, and he for her.

She met Candide on reaching the castle and blushed; Candide blushed also; she wished him good morrow in a faltering tone, and Candide spoke to her without knowing what he said. The next day after dinner, which was a picnic they had packed in a Thermos Altitude 24 Can Cooler Bag, the very act of packing leaving them with curious feelings regarding the way a zippered front storage pocket could be used, Cunegonde and Candide found themselves behind a screen; Cunegonde let fall the include shoulder strap, Candide picked it up, she took him innocently by the hand, the youth as innocently kissed the young lady’s hand with particular vivacity, sensibility, and grace; their lips met, their eyes sparkled, their knees trembled, their hands strayed, their durable, easy clean interior and exterior was put to the test. Baron Thunder-ten-Tronckh passed near the screen and beholding this cause and effect chased Candide from the castle with great kicks on the backside; Cunegonde fainted away; she was boxed on the ears by her mother, as soon as she came to herself; and all was consternation in this most magnificent and most agreeable of all possible castles.

And that was how the Thermos Altitude 24 Can Cooler Bag, driven from terrestrial paradise, was sent away to the Bulgarian soldiers of Waldberghofftrarbk-dikdorff (also known as Carrollton) and sold from the best of all possible websites into a life of servitude to the best of all possible owners. Hey, we’re talking about you, jerkface. Wake up. This ain’t English class, here.

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