I really thought I had it all. I mean, I was a stagehand for one of America’s leading home-shopping channels. Who wouldn’t lose perspective in a crazy situation like that? The fast cars, the wild parties, the constant requests for autographs – and the women, man, the women…not to mention the famous “sample room” of free merch sent to us by manufacturers. I never paid a penny for a food processor or a novelty chess set the whole time I worked there. I felt like the King of the World.

Then came a day that seemed like any other – at first. We were selling this thing called the Telesteps 12.5 ft. Telescopic Extension Ladder. I was chosen to show it off for the audience, to unfold it from its compact collapsed form to its full height. It was time for me to shine. I changed into my black jeans so the chicks out there could get a good look at my butt and climbed on up. There I was, pretending to dust a fake window while a nation ooohed and aaahed. I was on, man. I was in the zone, doing what I do, the only way I know how to do it.

Then I fell.

It only took an instant. But my whole life flashed before my eyes. And I was horrified. Is this all I was put here for? To demonstrate cheap crap like a trained chimp, on a basic-cable channel that’s a national joke? To run around with women who can’t even get into the dressing room of a third-tier metal band on a reunion tour? After a few terrifying minutes, I realized I was OK - physically. Spiritually, I would never be the same.

I truly believe I was saved for a reason. I believe a higher power had a purpose for me more important than hawking the Telesteps 12.5 ft. Telescopic Extension Ladder, and knocked me off that ladder to put me on the right path. And a few days later, I knew I’d found that purpose. See, I met this nice person who offered me a free personality test, which really revealed the inner truth – hey, hey, wait a minute! Where are you going? Come back! Come back!

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