I’m sorry to have to do this to ya, Slappy, but I’m afraid this old saloon doesn’t need a piano player anymore.

I reckon you saw this comin’. Times are changin’, Slap. A fella ain’t interested in jaunty piano tunes, card games, and alcohol poured from a jug with three Xs on the side like they use to be. No, sir. Nowadays, they want sportin’ events and chicken wings, beer that tastes like nothin’ and them fancy video games with Poker built right in. Hell, Abby and Pauline had to quit with the escortin’ and get jobs elsewhere servin’ up nachos or some such. I tell you, I don’t understand it at all but, as a business man, I gotta try to keep up, you understand.

That’s why tomorrow we’re sellin’ that piano you’ve been playing and mounting one of them Plasma/LCD TVs with a Sylvania Universal Fixed TV Wall Mount. I reckon it oughta do the job of holdin’ anything from 37-65” and up to 200 pounds. No, no, I won’t need the help. It provides everything I need to do it myself real easy-like. Thanks for offerin’, though.

I sure am gonna miss you, Slappy. You always did add a little class to the place. But if you like, here’s the address of that place Abby and Pauline are workin’ at. Looks like they cater to owl-lovers by the looks of the name. Might be worth a look-see.

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