He had the heavy-lidded eyes of Nick Cage in a comic store. Our man walked with a swagger that betrayed a bottle of Diet Coke hidden in his cargo pants. And most importantly, he shrouded himself in the lie that Superman could lose to the Hulk, wearing it like a child might wear an Atlanta Hawks jersey while stepping hesitantly to an Excalibur Electronics Super Hoop Basketball Game.

Our man nurtured that lie, in songs and poetry and other songs and maybe the occasional pizza that spelled “raaa hulk smash” with hamburger and bacon. Late at night he would cover his ears to drown out the truth, for the truth is loud like the electronic sound effects of an Excalibur Electronics Super Hoop Basketball Game, and scream “No! No! Superman would not think to use his speed and super brain to stay behind and above the Hulk where any angry smashing would be useless!”

Our man would walk the lonely streets clad in trenchcoat and noisy green fists, trapped in his delusions like the side netting of an Excalibur Electronics Super Hoop Basketball Game would trap the basketballs, still sure that the Hulk leaping high would be enough to land on someone who flew under his own power with the grace of a swan that had six gold medals in swan gymnastics, and that some goofy going-on-a-bear-hunt hand clap would catch someone who could race The Flash. But most importantly, just as the Excalibur Electronics Super Hoop Basketball Game takes one or two players, so too could a man, or a super man… but not a hulk. And so, our man walks home, alone, the slight sound of a sad piano as he meets the highway, never to be free of the monster inside of him. The monster that actually believes that the Hulk could beat Superman.

(Note: Unlike the Excalibur Electronics Super Hoop Basketball Game, no one involved with this conversation will ever enjoy automatic scoring.)

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