A solar charger will let you take the power of the ancient gods and give it to mankind. Isn’t that cooler than saying “eco-friendly”?

Well, Prometheus, welcome to the Hotel California. I see you’ve met Don and Glenn. Yes, they’re very efficient, but you’ll get used to that. Listen, I just stopped in because I wanted to set the record straight on the whole “fire” thing. You know, the gossip columns start talking and it’s all “he said” and “then he said” and after a while, it’s all hype, you know? Hey, can I move your intestines off this rock so I can sit? Thanks. Whooo, good to take a load off. Although I guess you’re just hanging there in chains, so you wouldn’t really know about that now.

Anyway, the whole deal was, I wanted mankind to use a Sunsei 18W Solar Charger with Controller for their power needs. They daisy-chain, up to eight, so you get extra power, and if you leave ‘em in the sun, Apollo just powers ‘em up and you can charge batteries and stuff. There’s a regulator too, which is there so nothing overloads. See? I had a plan, I was just letting it fold out over time. Then you had to go and- whoa, freaky! Your liver just grew back! Can you feel that? Is it weird? Man, it sure looks weird. That’s so gross! I gotta bring Bacchus back here to see that, he won’t know what’s goin’ on.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know, that’s what’s going on. It’s not about money or women or anything. It’s really just that I’m mad you went all Jason Chen and screwed up my product launch before I was ready. But, hey, at least fire doesn’t shut down when you touch the wrong corner, right? Wow, imagine what THAT would feel like! Anyway, if it helps, one day you’re going to be the patron of bugfinders and zero-day release teams. No, don’t worry about what those are now, you’ve got plenty of time to- aw, that was your stomach! He just ripped out your stomach! Wicked gross! Doesn’t that hurt! Aw, and now it’s right back so he can rip it out again! This is too cool! Man, if you weren’t the one getting punished, you’d be loving this.

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