Welp, there we go. It’s all done. Somebody hand me that Sunpak Carbon Fiber Tripod with Pistol Grip Handle. I want to take some pictures.

Who brought this Sunpak Carbon Fiber Tripod with Pistol Grip Handle anyway? Because whoever you are, you deserve a raise. Without the stability provided by this professional carbon fiber tripod, I’d never be able to take excellent photos of this, my ultimate achievement.

Stand over there, will you? I want to use you for scale so people know just how big it is. Boy, it’s so fulfilling being an artist of my caliber. I’m as talented as this pistol grip is comfortable. And it’s pretty comfortable, let me tell you. I feel like I could use this thing all day! Rotate it 360 degrees, realign and lock the legs, pop out the retractable spikes for added stability, the Sunpak Carbon Fiber Tripod with Pistol Grip Handle really makes it simple to take good photos. Not like I couldn’t take good photos without it, you understand. A genius like me, I can master any field with the tools at hand. It’s just that the Sunpak Carbon Fiber Tripod with Pistol Grip Handle makes things a little easier.

Okay, okay, that’s enough, come away now. I want to get some photos when the light reflects off of it. Wow, can you believe how good that looks? I’m so talented! Man, when the art world sees these pictures, they’re going to just trample themselves getting out here. At last, I’ll be recognized for my vision! This time next year, I’ll probably be a millionaire! Oh, hello there, small child. Did you come here to see the art? Go ahead, stand beside my Sunpak Carbon Fiber Tripod with Pistol Grip Handle and enjoy. Let your innocent mind be expanded and educated by my… what? What is that you just asked me? Did you just ask me what it was supposed to be? Why… why it’s… it’s a… it’s clearly a…

…Jerry, here, take this Sunpak Carbon Fiber Tripod with Pistol Grip Handle and put it in the car. I’ve got to dismantle this thing before anyone sees it. And then I’ve got to burn all these photos. What was I even thinking? This is horrible!

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