I realize the duct tape keeping me in this thing is a little much, but I’m trying to prove a point here, honey.

You’re a cover hog. There, I said it. You are the most rotten, horrible blanket thief I have had to deal with in my whole life. I don’t know whether you do it out of some subconscious resentment you feel towards me or maybe you really can’t stand for me to be happy like my mother warned me about, but it happens all the time and it has to stop.

So yeah, I might look a little crazy duct taped into this Sunbeam Heated Throw. I assure you I am not. I am, in fact, determined to keep all this 100% Polyester Fleece warmth all to myself. You may hoard all the other comforters and linens in the house, but these three heating settings are MINE and you are NOT going to get your thieving claws on it even if I have to staple the thing directly into my skin, do you hear me? This is my line in the sand! YOUR REIGN OF COVER TERROR ENDS HERE!

Whew! Wow that felt really good to get off my chest! Oh, and I love you. I probably should’ve said that first. Now pass the popcorn, will you, honey? The movie is about to start.

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