But I am telling the truth! Honest, officer, I swear to God, it’s just camera equipment. I know what it looks like, I know. But it’s called the Stedi-Stock. All it does is help you keep your hand steady when you’re shooting -

Uh, bad choice of words. I meant when you’re shooting pictures. With a camera. No, I didn’t put it in my camera bag, because it won’t fit in my camera bag. You’re right, that is inconvenient. Well, no, I’m not sure how adding another handle to a camera necessarily makes it more stable, either.

But it doesn’t mean I was trying to sneak a gun onboard so I could hijack the plane and fly it into a nuclear plant or something. What? No, I was just speaking hypothet- OW! Hey, watch the hands, those cuffs are really – OW! Come on, man, my hands are my livelihood!

Where are we going now? Are you putting me on the plane? Good. Finally. I’ve got a really important shoo- er, session in Milan, and if I miss it, I’ll never get any work from Men’s Undergarments Monthly ever again. Hey, what’s this olive green plane all about? I thought I was flying Alitalia. No, of course I’ve never been to Guantanamo Bay. Why do you ask?

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