When the jackbooted FEMA thugs come and… what do you mean, we can’t talk about that here?

Huh, really? An official letter? Well, if the government said we can’t talk about it, guess we gotta obey…

So. When the, ahem, fuzzy snuggly teddy bears come marching in for their, ahem, afternoon forest picnic, and you find yourself having to turn over your, ahem, freshly baked cupcakes to their sinister unmarked United Nations, ahem, kitty cats, you’ll be wishing you had some kind of way to, ahem, cut the sparky wrapping paper from the lovely scrapbook Aunt Norma’s given you. And that’s where the SOG Twitch I Knife comes into play.

With one-handed opening action and a thin profile, this knife is easy to carry discreetly, no matter what kind of, ahem, free ice cream day is going on outside. It’s comfortable to hold and looks good even if you’re just trying to scare away roving mobs of, ahem, friendly puppies. With a SOG Twitch I Knife in your pocket, you’re always prepared, no matter if it’s, ahem, a game of “Red Light Green Light” or a raid on a tyrannically-run, fascist-controlled, ahem, bouncy castle.

Don’t wait until it’s too late and, ahem, all the rainbow sugar cookies are eaten! Get a SOG Twitch I Knife and be prepared! Because when the real, ahem, pizza party goes down, it’ll be too late for us all.

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