Yeah, it’s a pretty tough beat I got. Being junior assistant to the security guard here at the credit-card-only car wash, you’ll see some things, all right.

This one time, a guy asked if we had a drink machine. I knew when I said no, it could get rough. Thankfully he chose to just shrug it off and walk away. But I was ready. I had my Smith & Wesson.

What? No, man, they don’t let me carry a gun. Are you nuts? I had my Smith & Wesson Luxeon LED Tactical Flashlight. It’s a serious tactical lighting system, designed to bring full lighting power to the people who need it. See this twise on-off momentary tactical switch? Or these 100 lumens of pure white light? Oops, my bad, didn’t mean to get it in your eyes like that. I was just trying to show you the high tension shatter and scratch resistant lens. And when I’m done, right back in the holster. The tactical holster.

That’s right. It’s all about tactics. That’s how you keep a clean credit-card-only car wash. Hey, let me tell you about the time I started down a little girl that tried to put a Care Bear sticker on the brick wall. It was a dark night, the kind of night that Batman would have faced. All I had was my wits, my cunning, and my Smith & Wesson…

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