Where can you find Martha Stewart, Howard Stern, Joan Jett, Richard Simmons, Candace Bushnell, Vincent “Big Pussy” Pastore, Jim Breuer, and Sen. Bill Bradley?

a) The cover of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
b) Plato’s Retreat
c) the ninth circle of Hell
d) SIRIUS Satellite Radio

Answer: it’s a trick question – c) and d) are the same thing.

Hey now, we kid because we love. Love to sell these SIRIUS One SV-1 receivers, that is. With this unit and a monthly paid subscription (not included), fans of each of the above luminaries can hang on their heroes’ every words, along with a simply vertigo-inducing array of commercial-free music channels from Hot Jamz to Outlaw Country to ‘60s Vibrations. And then there’s the extensive NFL, NBA, and NHL coverage; news from outfits like CNN, NPR, and the BBC; and – brace yourself – in 2007 SIRIUS will join forces with NASCAR for an unstoppable caps-lock alliance. It’s perfect for those who find NASCAR just too damn exciting to watch on TV.

Along with the box itself, serious SIRIUSites will receive a remote control, a power adapter, an antenna, and a “mounting kit” evidently consisting of a bracket and a couple of suction cups. But this package DOES NOT INCLUDE THE PAID SUBSCRIPTION YOU’LL NEED TO LISTEN TO SIRIUS RADIO.

Now, run along to the forums, so you can ask whether this package includes the paid subscription you’ll need to listen to SIRIUS radio. Or just go ahead and buy one, then email our service department demanding a refund because this package does not include the paid subscription you’ll need to listen to SIRIUS radio. We know you so well.

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