It’s not a giant fried appetizer. You’re thinking of that Blue Men Onion that they serve before their shows. You could probably make one with these, though.

No, Shun Ken Onion is the name of these knives. They’re named after Ken Onion. Who is not a real onion, by the way. That’d be awesome, though. If you cut him, you would both cry.

No, he’s a human, and an award-winning knifemaker. Who knew you could win awards by making knives? They’re probably called the Stabbies.

Anyway, Ken is the mastermind behind Kershaw Knives’ “SpeedSafe” assisted opening mechanism, which makes him indirectly responsible for many of the times you’ve eaten a salad in a restaurants and there wasn’t a fingertip in it. He’s earned your trust.

That’s how you know you can rely on these fancy-schmancy dinner-dicers of his that we’re selling. They’re pretty serious. They’re made of VG-10 stainless “super steel,” forged from carbon, chromium, colbalt, manganese, molybdenum, silicon and vanadium, all of which are supposedly real elements, even that last one. Then they’re clad with sixteen layers of SUS410 high-carbon stainless steel on both sides, for a hella-sharp thirty-three-layer rust-free burrito with a Rockwell rating of 61. “What’s a Rockwell rating?” you ask? Well, wouldn’t you like to know!

Yeah, these things are classy, dude, from the tippy-most points of their slicy ends to their ebony-black PakkaWood handles. I hear they’re really good for cooking. But even if you aren’t all that into cooking, it’s pretty fun to cut stuff, right?

Hey, I read an article in Blade Magazine recently (I had mistaken it for the comic book about the daywalker vampire-killer) that said a bunch of famous people own Ken Onion knives. It’s not clear whether they bought them, though. So I was thinking that would be a good promotional gimmick. Like, if I mail unsolicited copies of my self-published survivalist novel to the girl from TRANSFORMERS, can I then use her name in advertising? “Megan Fox has a copy of_Babylon Under Siege_ in her home (according to a delivery confirmation slip I got from the Post Office)!”

Also, Blade counted Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson as two separate celebrities who have K.O. knives, but I think they live together, so that’s cheating.

So, in conclusion, there is a lot you can say about this knife set. But the most important thing is that do you have a rag or something? Because I have cut my hand pretty badly here, and am bleeding profusely.

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