The post-apocalyptic world belongs to those who own air mattresses.

OK, so we know three things. One, the Serta Queen Size Raised Dual Chamber Airbed provides comfortable, high-quality instant bedding for two adults, thanks to its dual adjustable chambers, pillow top, and internal airpump. Two, I happen to have three of these airbeds with me right now. And three, earlier today a volcanic asteroid from Mars crashed into Earth, spewing some kind of corrosive gas that has wiped out much of the world, but left this city bus and everyone on it alone.

Oh, wait, and four: it’s impossible to get a decent night’s sleep on these hard plastic bus seats. We know four things.

So now we start the bidding. Who among you, bus passengers, will win my favor? Who will sleep tonight in air-cushioned comfort, and who will squirm through the first night of the aftermath on the same rigid, unforgiving bus seats where countless vagrants have soiled themselves?

Nice shoes you’ve got there, Mr. Businessman Who Always Leaves Your Briefcase On The Seat Next To You So Nobody Else Can Sit Down. And they look just my size. Are those Indian food leftovers in your paper sack, Mrs. That Hair Color Is Obviously Too Dark For My Age? Good to eat, but not so good to sleep on. Hey, Mr. Spends Too Much Time At The Gym: I could use some muscle to help me consolidate my power in the new post-cataclysm world. As for you, Ms. Fishnets And Pierced Septum, a place on my Serta Queen Size Raised Dual Chamber Airbed can be yours for performing the simple act of-

Whuh? Hunh? Unh. Fell asleep again. Missed my stop. Sigh. I wish that asteroid would hurry up and get here.

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