Transcript From “The Hurry Rightwell Hour”, August 6th, 2010

Hurry Rightwell: Now, my friends, I don’t know if you’ve been following the news today, but… well, this Obamacare mess is completely out of control. I’m here with Nick Sideman, my producer-

Nick Sideman: Good morning, everyone!

HR: -and we’ve been… we’ve just been sick about this today, just sick! Nick, do you think the people will know what we’re talking about here?

NS: Well, Hurry, I think they’ve probably heard it as some crackpot that swallowed a Senz Original Aerodynamic Storm Umbrella.

HR: Yes, you’re right, Nick, you’re absolutely right. The mainstream media is presenting this as, as, as some, I don’t know what to call it, some lone nut, who, some lone nut that just swallowed a Senz Original Aerodynamic Storm Umbrella. See how worked up I am over this? I mean, a Senz Original Aerodynamic Storm Umbrella is known to be tough and strong, it won’t turn inside out, and even the handle is made from black EVA foam and silver ABS, so it gives you the perfect grip. It’s won awards, and-

NS: -not taste tests, of course! (laughter)

HR: (laughter) You’re right there, Nick. Because the Senz Original Aerodynamic Storm Umbrella is just not made to be eaten. It’s just not! So when the media says here’s an old lady that ate an umbrella, you’re already getting trapped in their bias. And they’re just not telling the whole story, which is what I’m about to do now.

NS: Oh boy. They’re not gonna like this, Hurry.

HR: They’re not gonna like this, but you know what? I don’t care what they do and don’t like, because it’s time someone in the country told the truth about what happened to this poor old lady and her Senz Original Aerodynamic Storm Umbrella. I mean, she knew, right? She knew umbrellas are not for eating. So how’d it come to this?

NS: Can’t wait to hear it.

HR: It’s astounding, I’m telling you, astounding what they don’t want you to know. Okay, so, our research uncovered that this poor old lady, and she was something like eighty five-

NS: A good, long life.

HR: And she deserved better, Nick, she really did! Anyway, I’m getting worked up again. This sweet old lady, she was just sitting on her back porch, and then, out of nowhere, she swallowed a fly.

NS: She swallowed a fly?

HR: And she thought she’d die! Of course, she was in no danger, but she’s eighty five, so of course she went to the doctor. But that doctor, and folks, this is what we have to look forward to under Obamacare, that doctor told her to swallow a spider.

NS: A spider, Hurry?

HR: Nick, it wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her! And who can sleep with all that going on? So she went back, and this… this quack prescribes her, get this, a bird to eat the spider, then a cat to eat the bird, then a dog, then a goat- are goats even a predator for dogs? I mean, folks, this is what you’re getting here! This is it! A cow, a horse, and finally, a Senz Original Aerodynamic Storm Umbrella. I guess the aerodynamic shape allowed her to finally, what’s a polite way to say it, Nick? Pass?

NS: Yeah, we don’t want the FCC in here. (laughter) But, really, Hurry, wow. What a story. It’s a miracle she survived.

HR: It really is, Nick, it really is. And if this story doesn’t make Americans stand up and write their congressman to demand immediate health care reforms, I don’t know what will. I mean, a goat! What is this, Canada?

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