For The Schwinn
Just stroll on up to the seat next to him and give him a hearty “Hey there, buddy!”, then have a seat. “Whatcha got there? Tuna Salad?”
Chris won’t answer. He’ll just keep chewing very slowly, clutching his sandwich with both hands next to his mouth and staring at the same small crack in the wall just like he does everyday. Don’t take offence. It’s tough for new people to come out of their shell. Instead, laugh and say something like “Not much of a talker, huh?” That’ll let him know that you’re committed to this new found friendship for as long as your lunch hour will allow.
“So hey, how are you liking the new gig? You get placed on any committees yet? You know, Tom and Barbara are on MY committee and, lemme tell you, it’s AMAZING.” It doesn’t matter that he probably has no idea who Tom and Barbara are. Letting him know that there are other good people just like you working here might make him a little more at ease.
Or, at least, it would if he’d acknowledge your presence at all. Hmm. This Chris character is proving a tough nut to crack. Better try talking to him about something other than work.
“Yeah, yeah, I hear you, my silent companion. It’s just a job. Puts food on the table and beer in the fridge, am I right? You just slog through it to get to the things you really want to do, that’s what I always say. Me? It’s all about the moment I get out that door, you know? That’s when I really come alive. I get home, crack open a brew, fire up the old comp-u-tron, and ‘troll me some Internets’ or whatever the kids say. You got any hobbies?”
Chris will stop chewing, swallow, and, without looking away from the crack, say, “I like to run.” Success! You totally deserve that pudding cup you stole from your son’s lunch bag this morning.
“Running, huh? You know, my wife always tells me I should be more act…”
“I bought one of those Schwinn Treadmills. Softrak suspension deck, Multi-color Backlit LCD and Dual Window Display, Integrated grip and telemetric heart rate system with an included chest belt, the whole bit. It’s even got a place for me to put a bottle.” It’s kind of amazing the way he tells you all this in a low consistent monotone. You should compliment him on it the moment it stops creeping you out.
“Well, that certainly sounds like quite the fancy…”
“I’M NOT FINISHED.” You may notice the tuna salad seeping out of the edges of his sandwich as his hands ball up into fists. Do not panic. This is probably just how he opens up to new people. Everyone’s different, after all.
“Every night, I turn on the powerful 3.0 horsepower continuous duty motor, flip on the 2-speed blower fan, and I run. But the twenty workout programs? They don’t do anything for me. Not like my memories do.
“Some nights, it’s like I’m fourteen again and I’m racing to the train yard to jump on the next freight out of town and away from Daddy’s fists. Other nights, I’m running at a 12° incline towards the burning car that my fiancee was trapped in, hoping that this might be the time I’m able to free her before it explodes. And then there are the awful nights, the ones where I’m desperately trying to escape that hotel before the cops find that hooker’s body BUT I DIDN’T DO IT, YOU UNDERSTAND, I WAS FRAMED BY THE SAME PEOPLE THAT KILLED MARCIE. YOU BELIEVE ME, RIGHT?”
For the love of everything you hold dear, smile and say “Yes.”
“But I’ll tell you this much. Most nights? Most nights, I’m just running from myself.”
The silence between the two of you after all that will be awkward, sure, but not as much as when he begins to suck the tuna salad off his fingers with a loud slurping sound. That’s when you’ll notice the warm, wet sensation in your groin. Now would probably be the best time to excuse yourself from the lunch table and let Tom and Barbara know you’re not going to make the committee meeting this afternoon. But hey, you’ve made a new friend!
Features
Warranty: 10 Years on Frame, 10 Years on Motor, 2 Years on Parts, 1 Year on Electronics, 90 Day on Wear Parts
Condition: New
Features:
- Powerful 3.0 horsepower continuous duty motor
- Generous walking/running surface area (20” x 58”)
- Softrak suspension deck reduces impact to joints
- Folding convenience with SoftDrop technology
- Multi-color Backlit LCD, Dual Window Display
- Integrated heart rate programming - grip heartrate sensor and wireless chest strap
- 5.4 KHz telemetry enabled wireless chest band heart rate transmitter (battery included)
- Unique 2 speed integrated fan design combines convenience and comfort
- 20 workout programs including 9 course profiles, 4 heart rate controlled programs, 5k and 10k courses, and 2 custom workouts
- Max Incline 12°
- Max Speed 12 MPH
- Magazine rack and bottle holder
- Transport wheels
Exercise Programs:
- Quick Start (Manual Program)
- Profile Courses:
- 3 Course
- 3 Circuit
- 3 Pursuit - Calorie Goal
- 5K Course
- 10K Course
- 2 Customer User Programs
- Heart Rate Controlled:
- Target HR
- 65% Max
- 75% Max
- 85% Max
Product Video:
Product Specifications:
- Number of workout programs: 20
- Maximum speed: 12 mph / 19 kph
- Maximum incline: 12°
- Horsepower: 3.0 HP (CD)
- Heart rate monitor: Grip heartrate sensor; telemetry-enabled with chest strap
- Dimensions: 78” x 34” x 54” (198 cm x 86 cm x 137 cm)
- Surface size: 20” x 58” (51 cm x 147 cm)
- Belt Thickness: 1.4mm
- Frame Type: Folding SoftDrop System
- Machine Weight: 345 lbs (156kg)
- Maximum User Weight: 300 lbs (136 kg)
- Display Type: Multi-color backlit LDC, Dual window
- Integrated Features: SoftTrak deck suspension, Water bottle holders, Switchable from miles to km, Blower fan, Magazine rack, Transport wheels
In the box:
- (1) Schwinn 860 Treadmill
Product Note: Some assembly required. No additional tools needed.
Specs
Schwinn 860 Treadmill w/ 20 Workout Programs & Wireless Chest Belt HR TransmitterSpecs
Schwinn 860 Treadmill w/ 20 Workout Programs & Wireless Chest Belt HR TransmitterSales Stats
- Speed to First Woot:
- 15m 32.000s
Purchaser Experience
Purchaser Seniority
Quantity Breakdown
Percentage of Sales Per Hour
12 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
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