Can’t understand why anyone would want a Schwinn 131 Upright Exercise Bike? Well, then, you’re just not thinking long term! And we mean really long term. Like, twenty or more steps.

If there’s one thing we know about our loyal customers, it’s that they are always trying to make the very best Rube-Goldberg device that it is possible for them to make. Of course, this is why our buyers went right for the Schwinn 131 Upright Exercise Bike. Because the Schwinn 131 Upright Exercise Bike is exactly the sort of machine that a Rube-Goldberg engineer is going to want and need.

Look, to begin with, at the 16 levels of resistance. It doesn’t matter if you’ve attached the Schwinn 131 Upright Exercise Bike to a sleeping canary inside a birdcage which will drop on the head of an excitable collie that is tied to an iron which will fall and burn through a rope that releases a wagon full of watermelons or if you’ve got the Schwinn 131 Upright Exercise Bike wired to a generator that activates a conveyer belt which moves pies across a catapult that is timed to match the speed of a train full of hungry passengers which passes your house every day at lunchtime, that’s a setting that will provide the power you need.

Then, take a look at the BioConnect Feedback system, with a variety of workout statistics. RPM, Watts, Distance, Calories, Resistance, it doesn’t matter what they’re called. Just what they are. And what they are is a bunch of numbers. A bunch of numbers means reproducible results. No more being laughed at by peers who can’t figure out how many roosters per square inch (rsi) it takes to ignite the matches which will make your rocket ship powered by falling ping pong balls launch into the shrubbery full of opossums causing them to scamper and in the process turn on your hose to activate the sprinkler! The Schwinn 131 Upright Exercise Bike will offer you the numbers you need to get the same result again and again, just like the real scientists do.

And don’t forget to notice the little features, like the built-in magazine rack or the Grip Heart rate sensors built into the handlebars. These delicate touches make the Schwinn 131 Upright Exercise Bike into a powerful Rube-Goldberg component. No more stepping away to check the blueprint. No more wondering if the thrill of creation is putting your health at risk. Now it can all be right there in front of you when you shout for your assistant to release the spoon-covered cats into the Tesla coil to activate your morning shower. You’ll know what you need to know when you need to know it, and that translates to efficiency, which is something that Rube-Goldberg designers don’t often get to experience.

The Schwinn 131 Upright Exercise Bike also includes an integrated adjustable fan (so you can blow a tiny sailboat across the bathtub into a balloon that will activate the candle which will trigger the trapdoor to will drop an egg into a pan), built in transportation wheels (to allow you to move your Schwinn 131 Upright Exercise Bike next to a lake where you’ve assembled a series of nets that will throw fish onto the top of a slide that will guide them into little buckets which will drop and activate the switch to turn on the converter box on the television) and an performance engineering system that keeps your ride smooth and strong.

If you’re looking for a great way to do your chores, housework, cooking and general day-to-day living in a complex but inefficient way, the Schwinn 131 Upright Exercise Bike is the device for you. It’s a Rube-Goldberg lovers dream!

Additionally, some people say they use it to stay in shape. It takes all kinds, we suppose.

Back to top