An Open Letter To Quentin Tarantino

Dear Quentin,

Okay, you’re pretty much a genius. And, when we say genius, we don’t mean genius like Picasso or the guy who invented the chocolate doughnut. We mean genius like DJ Shadow or David Bowie. The kind of genius that knows how to take the good part out of thirty different movies and assemble one movie that’s nothing but a chain of good parts. And we want you to succeed, and to do even more stuff in the future! So we’re really really sorry that we watched a downloaded copy of your latest movie on our Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player.

Wait, wait! Hear us out, Quentin! It wasn’t just because we wanted to live out the glamourous life of the criminal which your movies regularly glorify to a certain extent! It was because we were forced to go see The Time Traveller’s Wife with our girlfriends. Trust us, we very much wanted to pay to see Brad Pitt killing Nazis, and we wanted it a whole lot more than we wanted to pay to see a forty one year old making out with his eighteen year old wife. A whole, whole lot more. But, you know, it was date night, and she really wanted to pick this time…

Anyway, the Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player has four gigs of space and plays video as well as audio. We loaded up a whole bunch of music, some MP3, some WMA, a few OGGs, a little FLAC, we didn’t even have to look because the Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player plays it all. And, man, it made for a great drive. “Oh, honey, that’s our song, how romantic!” It really made her happy.

Of course, we were using our Belkin Sansa Charging Kit on the way, so our Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player was all charged up when we got to the theater. Then, after we parked, we popped the tiny Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player right into our jacket pocket. “No, honey, we don’t want anyone stealing the Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player out of the car!” Yeah, you can probably see where this is going. But tell the truth, isn’t it a great idea? Hiding a real movie on a Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player and taking it along in secret? Our girlfriend never even suspected!

Because of our fantastic plan, she got to see her little girly Quantum Leap crap and we got to watch… well, we’re not gonna spoil anything for anyone. But man, it was GREAT! WOW! You REALLY outdid yourself, Quentin! Amazing stuff!

It’s just too bad that we had to see your masterpiece for the first time on a 1.9 inch screen. We’ll admit that maybe we missed a few cool moments here and there because of that. But, come on, Quentin… The Time Traveller’s Wife? We had no other choice!

Anyway, we just wanted to say, first of all, we’re really sorry, and we promise to pay to see your movie in theaters just as soon as we’re able. This was an emergency situation. You understand, right? And secondly, most importantly, we want to recommend that you get one of these Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Players for yourself. It’s a great, inexpensive way to enjoy your music and movies on the go. Plus, let’s be honest here, we’re certain that you – especially you! – have had those times when you’d gnaw off your own leg just to be able to watch ten minutes of Django on the sly.

That’s what we think the tiny Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player is really designed for, Quentin. Helping guys like us survive the chick flicks. God bless ‘em for that.

Your pals,

Woot.com

P.S.: There’s an FM radio and a built-in microphone too. If you were wondering. Also, for the record, we think Grindhouse should have been a triple feature.

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