Hold it, sir. Is this your bag? I’m going to have to search it.

Watch and learn, Tompkins. You can’t be too careful. Let’s see what we have… a-ha.

And what are these, sir?

Pencils! Right. Tompkins, take note. A lot of perps think that they can sneak stuff in at this door because they figure it’s lax, compared to the main entrance.

Now sir, you may think this school security checkpoint is a laughing matter. But Tompkins and I take our enforcement responsibilities VERY seriously. Now I’m going to ask again: What are these?

Pencils, sure. With spring-loaded, shock absorbing tips? Do I look like I was born yesterday?

Tompkins, this is just the kind of kid I was telling you about. No respect for security professionals. Isn’t that right, kid? I hear you and your little punk friends with your snide remarks. I know you think Tompkins and I are not exactly Delta Force material. But listen up, short stuff—I graduated from this very facility not too long ago myself. Back then, we used pencils in every class. I know a pencil when I see one. A pencil is made of wood, son. This? This is a… device.

Now, you going to tell me what it’s for, or are we going to have to escalate?

Yeah, yeah, for writing with. Sure. And I’m Irlene Mandrell. What’s this say here?

0.5mm? That’s the caliber, Tompkins. And this three-sided shaft—that’s for making triangular puncture wounds, which don’t close up. I read about it in PUNISHER comics.

And how about this twist mechanism, what does that do? NO, NO, DON’T SHOW US —

Oh, what is that, like an eraser?

Wait, you’re saying these are pencils?

Well I’ll be. Check it out, Tompkins; they’re pencils! OK kid, you’re free to go.

What’s that, Tompkins?

What do you mean, you wanna transfer to the main entrance? And work with Richardson, that lazy bum? He hardly EVER does backpack searches! I’m telling you, Tompkins, all the action is right here.

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