We’re pretty sure that when the new Trek actors start to make albums, this player will play them as well.

You’ve got simple needs, don’t you? A few online raids, some casual chatting with friends, maybe listening to the occasional Brent Spiner Sings The Hits From Fallout when you’re out getting tacos. You don’t need a ridiculously priced media player for a life like that. You’ll be happy with the 32gb Sandisk Sansa View.

With a backlist scroll wheel and a 2.4” display, you ears will be full of the smooth velvet circuitry of android lounge, rather than the harsh bitter screams of a world that just doesn’t understand why lens flares and frat boys aren’t what the future is all about. There’s also an FM radio built-in, if you want to listen to local radio. How else will you know when Terry Ferrell is at your local dinner theater? They should announce that stuff better.

When you’re using Sandisk Sansa View, you’ll be comfortable the entire time, because it’s tiny and sleek, like the Defiant. It won’t feel heavy or look cheap. And that last one is important, because you wouldn’t want anything to distract from your carefully airbrushed “My Kirk Doesn’t Drive, Abrams” t-shirt.

Why be like that jerk down the block who won’t stop blasting Tangerine Dream? Only nerds listen to that, he should be embarrassed. Block it all out with the smooth sound of a lounge singing hologram, safely tucked in your Sandisk Sansa View. Talk about Infinite Playlists, Infinite Combinations! Get it? Get it? Hmm. Must not be a TRUE fan.

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