If Sandisk wants their Sansa MP3 players to appeal to a more upscale clientele, they should take a lesson from the Crates & Barrels and Pottery Barns of the world. Classy retailers don’t give their products boring, informative color names like “Silver” or “Pink” – they use sensual euphemisms like “Wheatgrass” and “Latte” and “Fruit Punch”. You hardly know whether to dry off with a towel or drink it.

Now, you have your choice of colors today: Pink or Silver, as you prefer. Which is cool, we guess. But wouldn't it be more cool if you could choose between two intriguing, mysterious, euphemistic color names? Sadly, it isn’t enough to offer a lightweight, hassle-free MP3 player with drag-and-drop file transfer, support for MP3, WMA, and DRM WMA and Audible files, and a built-in FM tuner. You make a nice steak, Sandisk, but you need to sell the sizzle. With that in mind, here are some suggestions for evocative alternatives to boring old silver and pink.

Silver:

• Drillbit
• Cod
• .38
• Handcuffs
• Meat Cleaver

Pink:

• Tongue
• Open Wound
• Pepto-Bismol
• Diaper Rash
• Whatever You Call That Dessert That’s, Like, Strawberry Jell-O Mixed With Whipped Cream, Maybe With Marshmallows In It? You Know What We're Talking About?

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