Always look on the bright side, say the pink-spectacle crowd. Good advice – if you want to burn out your retinas and go blind! What kind of sucker do these happy freaks think I am? They’re not gonna put one over on Arthur Churlman, host of You’re Not Gonna Put One Over On Me!

Today we’re being asked to believe that the Sandisk Sansa e280 8GB Media Player is not a worthless clod of feces that probably gives you ear cancer. No sale, crooks! For one thing, it’s tiny. Anything this small that costs this much better either be made of solid gold, or get me high when I smoke it.

And I’d have to get zonked on something before I dared share my credit card number with a sleazy fly-by-night outfit like Woot. I guess anybody with a card table and a modem can call themselves an “online store” nowadays. God knows where my credit card number would wind up. Sorry, Russian mafia – find yourself another chump.

Sandisk seems awfully pleased with themselves over the Sansa’s 8GB memory capacity and compact portable size. You know who else is pleased about that? Muggers. While you’re bopping down the street without a care in the world, they’ll jump out, grab your purse or wallet, and probably slash your face a little bit just for fun. You’ll never hear it coming. Don’t be surprised if some of that ill-gotten cash finds its way into the Sandisk coffers.

And let’s talk about this “large” 1.8” TFT color screen for a second. A one-point-eight-inch screen is “large”? In what dollhouse? Hey, Sandisk: don’t puke on my tortilla chips and tell me it’s salsa.

If these bunco artists concentrated as much on making media players as they do on fleecing the consumer flock, the Sandisk Sansa e280 8GB Media Player might be worth more than the space it takes up. As it is, the only thing getting played here is you, you poor ignorant sap. Until the next outrageous scam Woot attempts to foist onto an unsuspecting public, I’m Arthur Churlman – and You’re Not Gonna Put One Over On Me!

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