Hey, if you buy this, you’ll need to download the manual and the SanDisk Media Converter software.

The SanDisk Sansa e260 4GB Media Player has an image problem. Seems it’s not enough these days to just play audio and video files – no, you’ve gotta have a flashy gimmick or a clever angle, to set yourself apart from the field somehow. While we let SanDisk work that out, we’ll take a moment to explain how to tell the Sansa e260 from the many other things it could easily be mistaken for.

Gregor Samsa: Kafka’s antiheroic everybug lacks 4GB of storage space and a microSD slot. The Sansa e260, for its part, does not embody the alienation of Industrial Age man from his own self. Nor does it have an apple lodged in its hard outer carapace.

Sansabelt: marketing-speak for “elastic waistband”, Sansabelt slacks represented our society’s first inching creep down the slope toward lower standards. They’re the spiritual forepants of the pernicious idea that it’s OK for an adult to go through daily life wearing a sweatsuit. They're just the thing when you're looking for pants every bit as dated and unflattering as your mustard Ban-Lon polo shirt with a flyaway collar. But the advanced stronger-than-steel, scratch-resistant titanium alloy that makes up the e260’s back cover will be near the cutting edge for at least the next couple of weeks.

Santa Claus: it gets decent reviews, but the Sansa e260 will never be as universally beloved as the King of Jing-A-Ling, that right jolly old elf Santa Claus. Especially since you need SanDisk Media Converter software to convert and load videos onto the e260. Boo! But we suppose you get used to it.

San Sebastián: the unofficial capital of Basque country is, we must admit, even lovelier than the Sansa e260’s 1.8” color LCD. However, in its favor, the e260 is not teeming with car-bombing separatist paramilitaries.

Sanka: while both Sanka Instant Coffee and the Sansa e260 could be seen as imitations of more expensive originals, the e260 does not taste like rhinoceros urine.

Sancho Panza: the e260 lacks this literary sidekick’s earthy sense of humor and keen sense of loyalty. But at least it actually exists.

iPod Video: it’s way more expensive.

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