The General watched on the radar screen as the missile veered harmlessly away from the rogue satellite. A groan of dismay arose under the fluorescent lights of the control room. With one corner of his mouth twitching like it does whenever he gets mad, the General turned toward the Colonel. “Well, there goes another ten million of taxpayer money,” he spat. “Any more bright ideas? Or are we finally gonna do this right?”

“Sir, with all due respect, I don’t believe Plan MP3 is the most effective option -”

“Fine!” the General roared. A startled hush fell over the room. Underlings tried to pretend like they hadn’t notice the outburst. “So you don’t think we should launch a bunch of low-cost Sandisk Sansa e270 players into space to knock the satellite off course. What exactly is your quarrel with the idea, Captain? And don’t pee on my roast beef and tell me it’s au jus.”

“General, the Sandisk Sansa e270 6GB MP3 Player & FM Tuner is far too valuable to national security to deploy in this manner. Frankly, although it can hold some 1,500 or so songs, it’s more than just a music player. It can also display videos and photos on its 1.8” TFT color screen, receive FM radio, and record radio and voice. These mission-critical functions make it a poor fit for a battering ram.”

The General stared at an invisible horizon somewhere beyond the command center walls. “Well, then, colonel,” he sighed, “suppose you tell me what our other options are, besides twiddling our thumbs waiting for this satellite to turn us all into fajita meat.”

“As it happens, sir, there is another player we could launch in bulk into space. But it might not be, er, politically expedient.” The Colonel paused a moment. Then another moment. Then half of a third moment. Finally: “The iPod Shuffle.”

He waited for the slack-jawed General to upbraid him for his insanity. Instead, the senior officer smiled broadly. “Isn’t that the player with no screen, hardly any controls, and one-sixth the storage space as the Sandisk Sansa e270 6GB MP3 Player?”

“The same.” The idea hung there in the silence. The general spoke.

“Then damn what the fanboys think. Start the countdown.”

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