“Um, hi? Our, like, car has a flat, like, tire? And we, like, saw your light on-” “Yes, uff course. Come inside, ladies…”

“Somezing to drink, perhaps?”

“So, like, your house is, like, really lovely and stuff? And your, like, German accent is, like, cool or whatever? But, if you could, like call the emergency car people or whatever? We could, like, get going?”

“Vhat’s… your hurry? Step… zis way… please…”

“OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THIS ROOM? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO US?”

“You shall have ze good fortune to be immortalized. You shall be ze subjects uff a grand experiment in biological engineering, vhere ze human body und ze Samsung Blu-Ray player become one!”

“But, like what? That, like, doesn’t, like, make any sense? You know?”

“Ah, but doesn’t it? Who among us hass never dreamed uff being able to play HD video? Und stream Netflix, Blockbuster, YouTube, und Pandora videos? Viss my skillfully-deployed scalpel, I shall update your firmware Hmmm? und sign you up for a 1 month Netflix trial membership. Und zen, und only zen, you vill be ze ideal hybrid uff woman und Blu-Ray player! Ze human body is flawed, but Blu-Ray is perfect!”

“Um, OK, so, like, I’m just going to go, like, outside, and-”

“Nonzense! You shall be ze first uff a new race! A race zat vill master all ze current video und audio playback formats vizout any external deviceds vatsoever!”

“Race? Master? Master race? OH MY GOD ARE YOU- ARE YOU- ARE YOU A NAZI?”

“Uff course not! I am merely a psychotic mad scientist. I vote for ze best candidate for ze job, not for an ideology. But zat is a discussion for anozer time. Now, if you vill be so kind as to strap yourselves into zis gurney, we can begin the glorious ascent of humanity to new heights of entertainment convenience.”

“Well, when you, like, put it that way? It actually sounds, like, kinda cool or something?”

“Totally! Like, it’d be fun and stuff?”

“Hm. You know somezing, ladies? You are right. You are so right, in fact, zat I shall no longer perform ze procedure on you! I shall fuse ze Samsung Blu-Ray Player viss ze only human being vorzy uff such an honor – myself!”

“Aw! What about us?”

“No! Never! You must leave ziss place now! Go!”

“But we, like, wanna be human Blu-Ray players, too!”

“Go! Out! Leave! I haff vork to do!”

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