In these trying financial times, even a good old fashioned mid-life crisis has to be a little more economical.

Gone are the days when a man of a certain age, a receding hairline, and a great many doubts about the choices he’s made in life could march down to the local car dealership and drop several thousands of dollars on something red, convertible, and attractive to women young enough to be his daughter. It’s okay, though. There’s still a way of transforming the “you” you are now into the painfully awkward combination of regret and desperation to stay relevant that you want to become at a fraction of the cost! It’s called “The Internet!”

See, on the Internet, no one has to know you’ve “let yourself go” since high school. All that settling you did for a job you never really wanted or a spouse you only kinda loved but stuck with anyway so you wouldn’t be lonely? Don’t worry about it! With just this Samsung 14” Core i5 Aluminum Laptop with WiMax, WiDi, and HD LED Display with Edge-to-Edge Glass and a few social networking profiles, you can create a whole new identity without the mountain of bills that come with hair plugs or plastic surgery.

And just think of all the embarrassment you’ll save yourself from NOT trying to fit into the latest skinny jeans or Ed Hardy shirt! Instead, you’ll have the power of an Intel Core i5-480M 2.66GHz processor to help you edit all those photos of yourself from when you used to play football to make them look more recent, creating the perfect profile pic for someone struggling with the insecurities that come with age.

Just imagine. You could be typing “LOL” as the new virtual you on a fancy laptop instead of crying quietly to yourself over your lost youth. Well, let’s be honest, it’ll be more like “while you cry quietly to yourself” rather than “instead of.” Still, any movement in the stagnant pool your life has become is progress, really.

Back to top